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Real therapy is hard, but I am glad I changed

Posted by Happyflower on January 31, 2008, at 21:31:34

Things are getting deep, things are getting said that need to, I am getting to the nitty gritty. I don't think of my T outside of therapy, I think of therapy, but not of him so much.

He told me today that he sees stuff in me that I haven't done yet because of my past, but am capable of. I made the dean's list at school and got this certificate with my name on it and it will be in the paper. I told him how much it means to me, but yet if I was able to do this as a child, it wouldn't have been such a big deal, I would have expected it. It is up on the fridge, just like a kid.

My T likes seeing me take my first steps or something like that he said. I can imagine him holding my up my arms helping me walk like a toddler. I love that image, he is helping me stay up and not fall, but yet I am doing the walking.

I am over my old T, finally, It took several months and different stages, but I did it. I am even beginning to call my new T, just my T, because the old one doesn't matter anymore. I really don't care for him anymore and don't want anything to do with him. I threw away the CD's and all the stuff he gave me. It feels good too be free of him, this is my goodbye poem to him, it has changed from the first one I posted. But my prof. wants me to summit it to university's creative writing issue, but I don't know, his wife works there, and I don't want to hurt her.
Here is the finished product....could be sexual triggers****

Freudenstines Eighth Floor PSYCHOtherapy

Nothing is the same now that its personal not professional.
Denied feelings are as invasive as your golden trumpet vine
Growing insanely on your new backyard pergola.
Does she know what you think about when you water it?

Shared Super bowl birthdays, Sunburst racing, red tomatoes and
Whipping out those orthotics while Grandma Moses looks away.
You burned for me Isnt Life Strange, why? Because
Frozen gazes at the gym tell me what you want anyway.

Seducing me as you tell me you ate that chocolate vagina,
Mind f*ck*ng me while inside of her
Dreaming of my trumpet player red lips buzzing cure.
Does she know you say, what she doesnt know wont hurt her?

You try to hide your blush when I
Remembered your birthday today.
But you used to be an admitted streaker,
You are not as transparent as you say.

She doesnt care about the worlds largest music store.
I bet shed care why you had the need to bring it up.
Does she know why her backyard blueberry bush
Bears more blueberries than before?

My life isnt one of your juggling balls,
My feelings are not a twist on your cube
I am not another one of your play toys,
I am not your fountain of youth game.

My dedicated solo was a goodbye to you,
Even if you didnt show, tough.
I wish I could hate you, times two.
I have trusted you enough.

This is no land of make believe.
Remember the oath to do no harm?
Does that apply to your wife as well?

I am going to try to post her once in a while, dip my foot into the pool before I jump back in.




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