Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 13:05:51
In reply to Re: Really, I just want to tell her to ..., posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 12:45:20
Hi,
I not writing much stuff. Cuz I not thinking so much really. Cuz I don't wanna. Cuz I getting stuff done anyhow.
So thats Ok I s'pect eh? Maintain status quo. Just motor along and emotions and flashes and that stuff passes.
I am kind to ikids. I say nice things, don't yell at them and wish them dead. I accept that they feel what they feel, then I try hard to not feel what they feel cuz its got naught to do w/me I reckon.
And in this way I don't goto worry bout that stuff. Cuz it'll pass.
It comes back, but then it'll pass again. And when it gets bad, I just tolerate and keep going waiting for it to pass.
And there not so much noise in my head cuz they don't get as upset cuz I not being nasty.
Stuff is 'there', but I ignore it and so its OK mostly.
Just low grade I feel shame of this person cuz, well, I dunno why, but I spose it don't matter right? I can just ignore it.
I function OK mostly.
Mebbe I'll never accomplish much, but mebbe I don't goto. Leastaways I not on the street. My kids do Ok I guess.
Mebbe DH not so happy, but WTF, mebbe if he stay away awhile it'll feel safer again w/time. He be staying away, this is GOOD.
I kinda low grade have self desrtuct program running, but I will not do it. Its almost harder to NOT do it. To SI or drink. But I not do that to my kids.
So I say why? self destruct running? I figger mebbe they not so happy some them ikids.
So this is one thing thats not good only. Rest of it I can live with. Just the way it is.
I just goto get the unrest settled somehow. But w/o going in areas that should NOT be accessed. That is not requiered. Maybe some ikids think I shut 'em down this way, but I trying to tell 'em I NOT shut 'em down. I can listen to their EMOTS and commiserate, but I DO NOT want to know nothing else. Not to diss them ikids, but cuz they can't tell me nothing thats real. Only stuff they are able to send is from THEIR standpoint, and to me, I cannot understand it. So I cannot accept it, its just gibberish.
So they try and communicate w/pics and physical stuff, intrusive emotions. This is disturbing to me, and I want it to stop. Mostly I good at to stop it Ok.
I TRY to talk to ikids, but not too much cuz then they try and send me stuff I don't want so I stop.
I not so sure what I s'posed to do bout this.
D'ya spose it just goes away over time if I keep doing right things?
Least I not so much being all over the place these days, so that is good.
Mebbe I grumpy some.
Oh well.
Mostly not so much emots anyhow really.
Not so much anything much of the time.
Empty head.
Mebbe thats good huh?
Ha.
Muffled
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hey T,
OK FYI cuz you proly ask, I don't f*ck*ng care cuz its what i goto do, I GOTO do. I MUST shut up the stuff.
NO stuff, thats what I say.
NO NO stuff.
Damn.
CAN I just make it go away??????? You people know this stuff?
Mebbe them people on the street, mebbe it just wouldn't go away, so thats why they end up there.
Mebbe thats where I end up...s'ok.
Just so longs I raise my kids OK first.
Then I don't care.
Mebbe I bad for that?
Please explain why you NOT get tired of me? Why you not tired of me? I am tired of me. I am SO f*ck*ng tired of me.
How come you put up w/my sh*t anyways?
Sure I can be nice, but I such an IDIOT.
There's SO much i just don't 'get'.
LOL, dumpmeitis rears its ugly head.
Sometimes I just wonder is all.
Damn, you got more patience than me.
Someone told me, cuz I said ikid wanted to test, she say just tell T. But then I say test not work if T knows. Test not work then....
Crap, WHY you just not tell me to f*ck right off???????
You got ENUF going on.
LOL, just say it..." *******, you f*ck off you idiot!!!', I not hit ya. I NEVER hit ya. You KNOW that right?
I don't EVER wanna mess you up somehow :-(
LOL or mebbe I a f*ck*ng idiot. Mebbe.
Ha,
Its the good that keeps me from dying.
Cool.
I wish I was just one :-(
I wanna be just one.
I wanna die too.
Stupid eh?
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:808123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080114/msgs/808153.html