Posted by happyflower on November 12, 2007, at 14:20:32
I had such a nice session today, he was on top of things when lately the last couple of sessions he has been very tired. He asked how my concert went, so it seems like he remember finally a little about what we talked about in pervious sessions. It is almost like he read my post her last week. lol
He was just on the ball today with me, I felt better connected. I found out that he is some kind of panic disorder specialist that is well know nationally,lol , didn't know that one. We talked about so much, my session went way over about 25 minutes.We talked about our next steps we need to do. I need to work on my safe place, somewhere my mom can't get me. Because I haven't been able to get there yet. I need to be able to picture my mom being tied up in a sense where she can't get me. Jail doesn't work because she is friends with the cops, being behind a glass bullet prof shield doesn't work either. I was thinking maybe molded inside a block of cement under ground. He won't let me use dead in a casket because, she needs to be alive for this.
But realisticaly that is the only way I feel safe from her. But she needs to be contained so I can safely talk about the early trauma. We talked about age regression therapy too, and that sounds kinda scary. But no processing until he is certain I can feel safe in a place after we do the trauma memories.
I guess he discribed my first EMDR session, that I must have dissociated afterwards to a mild degree. I didn't lose time, but I did reexperince the abuse in my mind and felt all the old emotions that went with it(like a flashback). He said they are trained a lot on how to spot dissocative states when doing EMDR, they don't want that to happen, and luckly it happens only rarely. But this is why he needs to proceed with me slowly. I told him I don't know if this going to work because I have so many layers of protection and I feel numb to a lot of it and I don't know if I can get in touch with those feelings. And at the same time I am terrified to get in touch too.
He said some really nice things about me today and that felt so good. I feel happy right now. Last week I was thinking of forgeting about therapy, but now I feel there is some hope for me to overcome my childabuse. My brother wasn't so lucky, he was a victim. I don't want to be a victim no more.
poster:happyflower
thread:794649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/794649.html