Posted by Poet on September 22, 2007, at 12:16:02
I thought the book Running With Scissors would be a funny look at someone's dysfunctional childhood. I was not prepared for a graphic description of sexual abuse. I should have called me T, but didn't and waited until Thursday's session and by then my anxiety level was at an all time high. Clonazepam was not cutting it. Chardonnay and clonazepam were not cutting it. I could not get the image out of my mind. My T told me that what I read retraumatized me.
She of course, said I should have called her, but she also knows that I can't talk about this. It's like all of this horrible stuff is inside me and I can't even tell her. She said, "can we work through this? what are you comfortable talking about." I said "nothing, I'm sorry I came here." She said, "what are you comfortable hearing me say?"
I'm not comfortable with her saying much, but she managed to get my anxiety level down by the end of the session. She talked, I repeated and we did tapping: tap various parts on the face, body and hands while saying (sometimes silently for me) things like "even though I was abused by my brother, I deeply love myself." I only crossed my arms and legs tightly once. She said it was okay, I needed to do that.
We're going to work on this next week, maybe I'll write things down and let her read it again. Though last time she read it out loud. I wish I could just spill my guts, but I can't, not even with a T I've been seeing for five years.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:784475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/784475.html