Posted by Dinah on September 11, 2007, at 16:38:45
In reply to Re: See T today - after the 'suck it up' comment, posted by Honore on September 10, 2007, at 13:54:18
I think I'm not quite as balanced as that. :)
I *think* I'm outspoken by nature. And that I inadvertently received training from both parents in how to say things in ways that don't increase the level of tension.
But the main reason I can say the things I say without him becoming defensive or angry is that our dynamic in recent years has evolved to a young girl/daddy one.
To be fair to him, I'm sure he didn't plan it, and I'm pretty sure he gave a lot of thought to whether he should accept it. But he did decide to accept it for reasons I think I might understand.
I'd be surprised if that dynamic, now accepted, wasn't a comfortable and relaxed one to him. There might be power in the daughter role, but there's also an underlying deference. And he knows that while I'm fully aware of his flaws, I also love him dearly. And when someone is confident that they are loved in a totally nonthreatening way, it's easy enough for them to accept most anything. It may be all transference and countertransference, but it's just not a dynamic that is likely to lead to defensiveness on his part.
Or that's my suspicion anyway. It may be all in my mind.
And to give full credit to him, he's a phlegmatic and easygoing soul, not given to long term anger. He's best friends with the pdoc from h*ll, and that pretty much guarantees he's unflappable. (Although it does call into question his taste.)
poster:Dinah
thread:781959
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/782260.html