Posted by Girlnterrupted78 on September 9, 2007, at 14:23:14
In reply to Re: Frustrated and unhappy with T » Dinah, posted by RealMe on September 7, 2007, at 10:51:54
>My therapist is actually somewhat like what you describe. It is my reponsibility to start the session, but if I really look distraugt and am silent, he will ask what is going on with me, what is going through my mind.
Hmmm.. now that I think about it, my "good" therapist would also let me start the session sometimes. However, I didn't realize how 'bad' it was because I guess I actually wanted and enjoyed talking to him. With this woman, I don't want to talk to her, and even if she sees me quiet, she will continue silent, and with that clear expectation that *I* start. And I usually interpret her behavior as insecurity on her part, not as a way or method of doing therapy.
>I also know from today that he will ultimately do less and less of explaining and tying things to gether for me--only some now as I would become overwhelmed otherwise, and so his comments help contain me.
I wonder how would a style of limited communication with a T would help a patient? You are almost doing a monologue. That is something I would probably dread, but especially with a woman I have no respect for, like my T. Do you feel that a monologue is helping you out? Would more involvement from your T would help you more?
>Times are I think he is angry or bored or something, and it is me projecting my stuff onto him like 99.999% of the time.
Wow. How do you know you're projecting your stuff onto him 99% of the time? Is it *you* reasoning that, or have you asked him? What if he were truly bored or angry? He would not say it, right? Wouldn't that make you uneasy about continuing with your monologue?
Personally, I have started monologues with my current T because I feel forced to do so, not because I want to. Everything I've done with her I've done it out of a sense of expectation I feel from her. And I actually did tell her this. I used 3 whole sessions to tell her how I felt about the therapy, and how I feel entirely FORCED to be there and talk.
I told her I could not trust her because I didn't think she was being entirely honest with me. And lastly, I said I felt I was there to please her. I talked to please her, I brought up my personal stuff to please her, etc. Nothing was done because I wanted to, but because she expected me to.
After those 3 whole sessions, the 4th session she showed up with an attitude I had never seen before. First of all, she seemed furious. She was blushing, slightly sarcastic, and every little thing I said she would made it seem as if I was attacking her, when I clearly wasn't.
Like, I asked her (don't remember the context) I asked something regarding last session (the session where I brought up all the reasons I was unhappy.. Me: "You don't remember what we were talking about last session??" .. T: "What?? You're saying I don't remember? Well no, I don't."
Later, on a different context, same day: Me: "Well, I was very surprised that you could not remember what we've been talking about in the last few sessions.." T: "OF COURSE I REMEMBER!!! (very angry)"
Why is she LYING again?? Geez. In the same day she claimed she didn't remember (sarcastically), and THEN, when I said I was shocked about it, she admitted she DID remember...She was acting FURIOUS just because of the previous sessions--where I brought up the reasons I was unhappy in her therapy.
Then I told her: "You look furious" and she said "Well, yes, I am very frustrated.."
My thoughts: How is that my fault? I have been frustrated from the start. I do NOT trust her, and I was honest. So the solution is to become angry at me for it? Again, what kind of T acts this way?Then I said: "Well, I am uncomfortable in this therapy."
T: "Therapy is very hard work. It will be VERY difficult."I cannot remember all the details and contexts of that day, but I do remember that I was happy in a way, because FINALLY she had decided to come out of her shell. We had a relatively good session that day. But of course, things went back to normal and I cannot forget all the sarcastic, dishonest comments she made that day just because she was furious about my bringing up how unhappy I was in therapy.
Why is it wrong to say I'm unhappy? Isn't therapy about being honest? She was PUNISHING my honesty by becoming angry and sarcastic. Am I correct? At least I think I am.
I'm pretty sure therapy will be difficult, but the difficulty (imo) should lie in *my* dealing with my problems, not in my being unable to trust and tolerate the person who is my T--due to a behavior I consider unprofessional and/or unethical. Or in my lacking any respect for her. I don't think that should be the difficult part of therapy.
Thanks again for your response.
poster:Girlnterrupted78
thread:781352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/781831.html