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Re: A cloud has lifted (very long and rambling...) DAisym

Posted by antigua3 on September 3, 2007, at 9:17:49

In reply to Re: A cloud has lifted (very long and rambling...), posted by DAisym on September 3, 2007, at 0:31:29

Thank you. I had to write, I don't know why. Just the urge kicking in again, which is really good too.

Great question. How does my T feel about my pdoc?

Well, to be honest sometimes she gets hopping mad at what he says to me, and often it turns out that it's my interpretation that may be out of whack, so each time is a learning lesson and helps me see how I respond to men.

sometimes she's intrigued by what he says and she agrees with me that as long as there is value in the relationship, then let's use him for all he's worth!

Sometimes she gets angry at how he treats me (like a good mother). She was really angry when he wouldn't return my calls once, and she said to tell him in no uncertain terms how long and hard she had worked with me to get me to call her when I felt I needed her (what, 12 yrs???). So she wished he understood that if I called, I needed him. But he doesn't see it that way, and I've come to understand his point of view. Not that I agree with it, or his approach sometimes, but I accept it. I accept that I can't lean on him and I don't. It sounds funny, but I'm mostly fine with that. I will not give him that power to hurt me in the way my father did. I will never give anyone that power again, or at least I will try to recognize what's happening and stop it before I become crazy over it.

It's interesting because my current pdoc took over patients from my old pdoc (my T recommended him), who strangely retired a couple of years ago without any warning. I wasn't attached, so it wasn't a problem for me; I just went with the new guy. But it turns out that his patients were split between at least two younger men, who are very friendly with one another. When my son had to be evaluated for school about something, I took him to this other guy, who my T just loves. (I didn't want to take him to mine; I thought there would be a conflict of interest, and frankly I thought he would be too hard on him).

The other guy is a great pdoc, I liked him enormously, and his approach with adolescents is more in line with my own thinking, while my pdoc appears to be unyielding in ways that are defintely helpful to many of his adolescent patients, but wouldn't have been for my son.

Sometimes I think of switching to the other guy, and I can easily call him if needed when my pdoc is away (they actually cover for one another!).

But it's so interesting that two different pdocs with the same mentor (my old T) would have such different opinions and orientations. It's fascinating actually.

Thanks for responding. I know I haven't been good about keeping up lately, but I read all the time and admire you so much for your honesty and bravery, and the helping hand you so often extend to others.
best,
antigua

 

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