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OK Guys, can you help me here? *religion triggers*

Posted by muffled on August 30, 2007, at 11:08:51

So my T is a pastoral T. RCC.
She seems willing to take me on.
But I dunno WHY?
And I said I'd go back.
But I am freaking out.
I sent this fax to T. Its all true. I don't think I am trying to scare her away, but I re read it and it sorta seems like I AM trying to scare her. Its like mebbe its a test.
Do you guys do this? Or is it just idiot me?
I wish I knew how I was comming across...
What would YOU think if you were my T and reading this?
Here's the fax, theres some *religious triggers* in it:


You prefer fax or e-mail? E-mail is much easier for me.

I need to know boundaries re: phone, fax, e-mail etc. I need to know boundaries in a general sense.I am OK w/maintaining my end, but boundaries protect the T also. ARE you protected? I need this to be clear, so I can know I not pissing you off(or hope I'm not), and so I can know you are protected. I don't want to be a a source of stress.

Re cell vs office phone. Better to lv message at office? Cell only if want to be sure you get message asap? I dunno how you view this what with working 2x/wk only? Any other rules I should know?

Too many e-mails?

Give me a number.

Too long e-mails, give me a number.

Are you prepared for me to be utter idiot? Are you under the notion that I not as crazy as I think I am? Cuz when I get scared I am idiot. BIG BIG idiot.

Maybe you not in the right place/time in your life. Mebbe you should send this client packing. You got enuf on your plate.( sorry just WAY easier to write enuf compareds to enough...the internet has destroyed my english...)

I DUNNO if I want to do nothing bout my 'stuff'.

I know I feel pretty damn bad at times. When I feel real bad I'd seriously off myself, but I won't cuz of my kids. Instead I just think bout drinking....too much. It is unacceptable.

I HATE meds with a passion. I'm not taking zoloft right now, I only lasted about a week on it.

I GOTO do better'n I am, cuz I guess I not doing so good.

Ah sh*ts. Suppose I just scared.

Y'know its REALLY hard when I got more than one opinion on any given thing in my head :-(

WHAT is your opinion at this time of people w/'people'? You STILL think they should go away???????????????I don't think its within my rights to MAKE anybody go away. If they just get along and can chill out and be OK, then thats good enuf. I DO NOT beleive this integration SH*T you said one time. I just want everyone content and then things should be quieter. They'll 'go away' on their own.

ARE we on the same page on this?

Never ever show fear. I was thinking bout that last night. Bout how many times thats saved my bacon. Bout how I react like an animal to anothers fear despite myself...

Do you want me to go away now?

See, just a sampling of my stupididnessess.

Am I annoying you yet?

***Triggers next***

See STILL don't really trust too much. And its not just you, its humanity. Its the world. Dunno why there's the part I got that hates God, but it hates God cuz it figgers God didn't protect it. But there's part that loves and trusts God, just so. So I guess its proly the hateGod part that don't trust too much, cuz God let us down, guess we thot he'd protect us and He didn't. Rat. adult understands that we got free will, even evil has free will to hurt us. But kid was betrayed I guess, cuz somehow I think she thot God would protect her...So we trust nothing. Its of some consolation to me, I read in that article, "These core beleifs are often relatively nonresponsive to superficial verbal reassurance or the expressed alternate views of others later in life...", so I don't feel quite so bad bout not taking stuff in....

AND FYI I was NOT abused or nothing. Mebbe my old lady neglected me some is all. But some of that stuff written in that article makes some sense for the oversensitive kid I was. I just turned proly everyday stuff into badness or something, cuz I was oversensitive.

Oh MAN, part that hates God is SO F*CKING PISSED.

See, that why I don't wanto look at stuff.


See, convoluted thots, confusion.

You sick of me yet? It piss you off that I don't trust you? Does it bug you that I got a part that just wants to tell God to go f*ck Himself?

Mebbe you best run while you can.

I'm not running, so there.

Sok, if you got misgivings...then just go, s'ok.





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