Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 4, 2007, at 10:12:08
In reply to Re: F*ck this anxiety sh*t.*trigger*, posted by muffled on July 3, 2007, at 23:27:11
Thanks Muffled,
I just went to the designated "safe place" even though my bed hasn't arrived yet, there's still a mat on the floor. Even though my comforter hasn't arrived yet, there's a blankie. I curled up in fetal and husband tucked me in and sat with me a bit, turned on the white noise machine and went down to watch TV. I give him an A+.I didn't hurt myself.
I think I'll be better today. I'm kindly requesting a trip to target to buy bath mats and hand towels. Shopping is a good distraction. Maybe I'll go out at 9 and watch some 4th of july fireworks. I don't want to go to the big show, but maybe some neighborhood kids will have some sparklers or something.
CBT exercises? tell me more, I promise I won't smack you. What do I have to do? write down what I'm feeling when I'm in the midst of it? Does my post count as fulfillment of part of the exercise? I've never done any CBT work. My workbook from the bookstore is in a box somewhere, taking a break from travelling for the holiday. I feel like a dumbass, even though I've never taken any clinical psychology classes I've taken cognitive psychology. Oh... I know all about how memory and attention "work".
The IRONIC thing is that when I was packing for my move, I found about 6 inches worth of papers (journal articles) on PTSD, false memory, memory and dissociation, memory for trauma, etc. I forgot that I read this for my senior thesis stuff (neurosci, not psych, in case you were wondering). Totally forgot. The ironic thing, again, is that I read all of this thinking from my analytical brain- how this stuff works. I never ONCE thought that it would EVER apply to me. I thought my childhood was just fine and dandy. eccentric, if anything...
Sometimes I enjoy the trip. That's why I've been watching so many X-files. The stories are so "out there" and fox mulder is so ...photogenic... that I can kind of go with the flow. That's on a tiny 8 inch portable DVD screen though, the one we bring on our camping trips to watch "ghost stories". The big screen- just too much. not flow but flood.
breathing and grounding is what I was exploring in meditation when I briefly resumed it in May. By mid-June both of my T's told me that I needed to stop. They were both pretty direct about that. Very un-T like, so direct! Problem is that when I start listening to my body I am able to hear a song of loathing, tragedy, horror. etc. and some nice stuff too. rarely.
Xanax. Worried I'd get hooked.
thanks for your long post muffled. you get it, I think. nice not to feel alone
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:767497
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/767572.html