Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 30, 2007, at 10:00:05
In reply to Re: So....termination?LOOOOONG » Dinah, posted by muffled on June 29, 2007, at 9:59:53
> **Its stuff some of me has said is all. In my writings...
> I also am refusing to do 'the work', so there is no point.It's okay muffled, don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone goes in phases. If things have been intense over the past month or three, part of you may be retreating. This stuff will come out when it's ready. Some folks it takes years to really get down to the matter. Some folks it's like a never-ending narrative. There is no GOAL. It's only a process.
my newT (whom I just said bye to) said that it's a process of building up a new self only to have it collapse to pieces and then building up another new self and have it collapse. Eventually the 'collapses' become rarer and less traumatic. It sounds like you are getting to a point where you are pretty comfortable with your current self and state of affairs, but you are dreading the next collapse. It's human to dread falling apart, but the most important thing (and something that takes a long time to learn - for ME anyways) is that even in the midst of collapse and psychosis and feeling crazy like never before there is still a glimmer of hope- and sending up a flaregun for someone to help you find the way back to safety.
> She suggested 1 month.
> I think we ended up 2 wks.
> But its too hard, all that does is reinforce my dependancy on her seeming(non existant) safety and (limited) support.This sounds like a good plan to me. You can practice flying solo and learning to get to know yourself without the intrusion that therapy provides at times. Learn to hear things for yourself. That's a great idea muffled. I'm on a 2 week break myself. Last week was newT and this week quieT is on vacation. I won't see him again until the 10th. I have plenty of stuff to do, and IRL support from cats and tea and housework, my sunroom and my blessings. maybe I'll go to a yoga class too. I'm on a diet right now- might be good to get some of the fat molecules to shed some of their good winter blubber. and babble. staying in the zone of support is very important, as is being nice to yourself. Nice and gentle. Compassionate if you can seize a few moments of that everyday, it will go a long way towards learning to accept who muffled is.
> So I think I will not go back.
> This is what I say NOW.....
> Thanks Dinah, you a good egg.Yeah, Dinah's a good egg. smooth, solid, practical. try putting an egg in your hand and squeezing as hard as you can. I can never get mine to break (unless I'm wearing a ring) That's like Dinah.
It's OKAY to think you may never go back. Don't resist those thoughts, just accept them for what they are. Therapy is exhausting and a lot of work. When you're ready, you'll know.
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:766343
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/766852.html