Posted by muffled on June 8, 2007, at 16:09:09
I feel very unsafe.
Ikid keeps whispering that she scared.
Can't think of much.
Little concerned bout health issues.
Hubby sneaked up on me this a.m.
Been some kinda bad stuff journalling, but I deleted it.
I dunno?
Phoned T, but gave her some b*llshit story bout dropping something at her office, she say, bring it w/you on Tues.as I not there today.
F*CK.
She ask how am I doing? And I say fine. Cuz thats what I do. I just say fine. I could be half dead and I'd say fine.
I dunno WTF I even want from her? Cept mebbe for her to take care of my frightened kid.Maybe tell her a story. But I kinda hide that from her mostly. I wouldn't allow that. Only in writings do I say stuff.
WOW.
It just occured to me that I been bothered lately that I am a lie to my T.
But I need to tell her that my writings are *real*, and this body and its verbal words(what few I say) are all filtered words. A facade.
She say, you not as crazy as you think you are. I say to her that I am crazier than she thinks I am.
But then what is 'normal'? Guess there's no such thing.
I am embarrassed to let my T hear my ikid, I could talk for her but I way too embarassed. I think I pick up on T being maybe uncomfortable too? I dunno. I NOT supposed to extrapolate what she thinking.
Mebbe I just scared kid might cry and WE SO NOT allowed that.
I dunno.
I dunno.
I dunno.
M
poster:muffled
thread:761879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761879.html