Posted by Happyflower on May 31, 2007, at 12:48:34
In reply to Feeling scared, T today, lots of rambling talk, posted by Happyflower on May 31, 2007, at 7:48:10
I was so scared today, but at least I didn't throw up on the way there. It was sunny out today and walking by the flower containers in the city was nice to see on my way to see my T.
When I got there, he switched some stuff around in his office, and I noticed right away. My T also got rid of all his fake flowers too. LOL I told him a long time ago, he was too hip to have those ugly flowers, he has real plants that are much better. He asked me if I wanted a cutting of one of his plants. I said maybe sometime.
My T then told me he thought about me as he was watering his trumpet vine this morning. How sweet to hear when they say that. He said it was growing really stong like me and he asked if it would flower this year. He is such a sweetheart of a guy. ;-) Now who wouldnt' feel better when someone says all of that to you? Okay, maybe I am easy. LOLWe talked about so much. We talked about how chronic pain is like one of life's big stressors and how depression is likely from anyone. But yet I have a lot of those big stressor too, not just one, so he said it is understandable. He really wants me to try to exercise like I used to, even if it is for only 20 min of cardio, he believes this keeps me up. He is right I know, but it is so hard right now. The elipitical isn't bad on my body joints and muscles, and I still get in the cardio, which helps defends against depression. My T thinks me having chronic pain and stopping exercising is contributing to my depression in major ways. I know he is right, so I will try.
We talked about my marriage and how these current stresses effect it, does it bring us together, or put a bigger wedge between us. I said I am kinda glad my DH is removed from me about his brothers heart attach, at least he isn't nasty to me. But I told my T that the marriage is over, I have known that for such a long time now. I said but it sucks because I feel trapped. Than my T said, well you are trapped, at least momentary. Wow, talk about valadation. ;-)
We talked about me learning guitar (he knows how to play). He thinks because of my music ablility, I will get frusterated with the guitar, because I won't be able to sound good as fast as I want to and not like it. I asked him, so you calling me a perfectionist? (I know I am when it comes to music, lol) He said no. LOL He went on to explain on why I might not like it. (geeze, so much for encouragement, well maybe he wasn't doing reverse psych on me). Well I said well maybe the trumpet isn't my real instrument, and maybe I will start playing and really be good and love it. I said playing the guitar isn't limited by my asthma, and it less physical. Then he brought up, yeah and you can sing along too. I said yeah, I don't sing. I told him about my phobia (gulp). I said well we will be learning the do, ra , me, thingie, and then he started to sing do, a dear, a female dear, etc. Oh my! I wanted to shrink in my chair.
We talked about Paul McCartney and how he was so talented in music and can play just about any instrument. He told me about how the none of the Beatles could play piano, but in 3 years, Paul learned to play and compose music. But my T said it took 3 years, NOT just a summer. Well then I said, well you have to start somewhere. ;-) He said yes.
We talked about my new major in college, and he supports it. We talked about my classes next fall, and he thought it was a good idea that I am keeping it simpler than last session because of everything else. But warned me that school is going to get tougher especially grad school. I said I know that, but I feel like I am doing the right thing. I like school. He feels that most people that don't even end up doing what they went to school for, never regret their education. Besides I can always change my mind. LOL
So I know we talked about a lot of stuff, oh, yeah, my babble meet. LOL He loved hearing about that. We talked about me drinking and jammer and KK teaching me how to do shots. He thought that was really funny. I said yeah, we were quite a bunch of silly girls. I said we even was compairing bra sizes and all. LOL He about feel out of his chair laughing. ;-)
So I see him in 2 weeks, I think I can do that, that is the old schedule. He isn't pressuring me to go longer, and I feel good about that. I believe he know that I need to see him right now. It feels good that I feel understood by him, supported by him, and that he really cares about me. That helps, it really does while going through all of the hell I am going through. ((((my T))))
But I feel like need a nap.
poster:Happyflower
thread:760507
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760578.html