Posted by gazo on April 23, 2007, at 10:43:45
well, i see my T in a couple of hours. i'm feeling more positive today, which is good, but i am new to this whole thing and i worry that we won't *do* anything on those days. i have never really had much therapy that wasn't crisis management of some sort. For months with my former T it was just keeping me alive and reasonably sane and fucntional.
what happens when it's not crisis management?
i also have to bandage my hand. :o( i wish to god i had been stronger and resisted somehow. i just got to this almost trance like state and there was no thought whatsoever about *not* doing it. i dropped a ceramic dish which shattered on the floor. My trigger is glass. i wish i had chosen somewhere easier to hide too.
i am not able to talk about that with him right now. Last week i wanted to because i wanted to stop myself before anything happened. It's too late for that and so it gets tucked away until i feel safer there. i had been willing, i tried, to walk through the hard part to tell him had he persisted... just so i could not lose ground. But it's already happened so why go there now?
my symbol of bravery isn't worth much now. :o(
anyway.. i'm sure he'll be nice, and i'll be nice and we'll talk about the weather or something.
maddie, if you're reading this... i guess i'm still just cutting bait huh?
poster:gazo
thread:752700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/752700.html