Posted by PhytoEstrogen on April 13, 2007, at 22:41:11
to hear my T tell my husband (who came in for a session yesterday) about my issues.
Made the abuse seem more real, more horrible than I was prepared.
She talked about how when I'm in one of freaked out modes that I'm really just a toddler, or a 5 year old or a 7 year old or a 9 year old or a 13 year old or a 15 year old until I got the hell away from my house.
I never heard her swear like that before.
Until I got the hell away. But I haven't really.
Does this mean I have parts. I resist. you know that muffled. You know how badly i resist being taken back to a time when I didn't have my independence.
I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I think it helps that my husband is starting to "get it". I have very strong urges to do bad things on a daily basis. Things that will destroy me or my ability to succeed. It's so hard to go on right now. I just want to hurt so bad. And I have to keep going. One step at a time. One little task at a time. If I think too much about what lies before me I turn into a ball of whimpering mincemeat.
I'm going to go turn in now. I've been thinking so hard that my eyeballs bleed.
:P
poster:PhytoEstrogen
thread:749637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/749637.html