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Re: thanks guys, : / ***triggers*** » gazo

Posted by PhytoEstrogen on April 10, 2007, at 18:23:36

In reply to thanks guys, : / ***triggers***, posted by gazo on April 10, 2007, at 17:45:04


> thanks guys. i haven't been here long but you guys are important to me right now. in the past few weeks i came here when i was climbing the walls.
>

> i'm not all there right now.. shaky.

do you do any psychopharmacology? This might be a good time to get you on a good medication regimen to get you through these terrible times. If you ARE on a medication regimen, please tell your doctor about your feelings. You don't have to feel this way. Medication and Therapy can help.

> i have a "situation" developing that i can't do anything about. i can't stop it or prevent it. It has to happen and it's out of my hands. It's that situation that is driving me insane right now. i can't sleep and when i do i have nightmares. i wake up with tension headaches. i have lost weight. i pace.
>

Sounds like me :(

> i have to say i am impressed with my T. i told him not to push me or i would just lie anyway and he said he'd figured as much. He really did push to know how at risk i was and i promised i would not end up dead before he saw me again. i wouldn't promise anything else.

And you're a good client to tell him what you need from him right now. I was never good at doing that.

> i stared at my hands in my lap the whole appt. It was hard to talk. words went away.

Don't forget- depression and other illnesses have cogntive components too. It can affect your concentration, your memory, your face recognition, your sense of smell. Don't be too hard on yourself. You went. You got yourself there in one piece and came back to tell us too. That is very strong of you.

> he switched my appointments to weekly. i'm just going to have to figure it out... and as of a week from today i don't have a job anymore. :o(
>

You always have a job. The job is to be Gazo. Sometimes you get paid to be you, sometimes you don't. You'll make it through this.

> he explained to me what his policies about calls are... so now i have that as a resource.
>

oh good. resources are good. be greedy with self-care resources right now. hoard them. chocolate. craft projects. babble. it's all okay. there is nothing that makes you feel good that is wrong. Just try to be a little selective about what actually makes you feel GOOD and what merely makes you feel "different" or "numb".

> unfortunately.. i left his office @3pm... and was completley drunk before 6pm. i don't drink everyday and for a long time i rarely drank. Now though i just can't take the pressure.. i'd do anything to escape it. i figure better drunk than dead...

Alcohol is powerful medicine. it makes you feel "different" helps shut down a lot of the anxiety. but what's left in its wake is a depression that is more profound than when you started to drink in the first place. I've been there. I was never alcoholic, but I self-medicated. This is another indication to me that perhaps you might benefit from prescribed medication. It's cheaper and has fewer side effects than alcohol.
>
> my life is pathetic. i am not entirely sure why i am alive at all. i almost died once years ago. not sure why i survived. i don't have many friends. My family lives very far away and i rarely see them. who would care?
>

whoever is telling you that your life is pathetic is a liar. You'll learn to ignore that voice. That voice will only lead you to self-destruction. That's what the voice wants.

You don't need many friends. Not right now. You need people who want to understand you. Babble-folks can help support you. When you're ready you'll tell your real-life friends. And you may even be surprised that it enriches your relationships. Good friends are there in thick and thin places.

> i often wonder how long i would be missing before anyone would even notice. yes, my life is really that sad.
>

I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now. The most important thing is to keep Gazo safe. If you need to post every hour on babble to help cope, DO IT. you'd be missed if you did anything to hurt yourself. I have hardly ever posted to you (is this the first time?) and it's true. I'm not lying. I'd MISS you if you went away. I really would. Your name, your struggles. I identify with them, because I've felt similar things in the past, and recent past and maybe even today. who knows?

> don't worry. i made a promise. Promises are very important to me. i will get by. i am just not feeling very good right now.
>

We'll worry because we care.

> thanks to everyone for the love.

Thank YOU for reading my reply to you. sorry it was so long,

:P


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poster:PhytoEstrogen thread:748674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/748844.html