Posted by Racer on March 24, 2007, at 14:10:57
In reply to Re: It's time to give up in more ways than one TRIGGER, posted by Poet on March 24, 2007, at 13:49:00
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> I wish someone would see in me what you recognize, but my job history says otherwise. I know it's foolish to base my self esteem on something I cannot obtain, but I never said I wasn't a fool.
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> PoetNo, Sweetheart -- I think it's hurtful to base your self-esteem on something you can't CONTROL. You can obtain more than you believe right now -- but you can't control what other people do. And job hunting involves other people, who have all the control. You can't change the past, and the past is likely to influence those other people.
So, what do you do? That I can't tell you. I'll bet your T has some suggestions, though.
When I was a teenager, when I got back from a date my mother always asked me, "Did he like you?" I was probably 30 before it occurred to me to ask if *I* liked *HIM.* I think you're doing the same thing right now -- you're focused on how someone else reacts to you, and neglecting how you feel, about yourself and about the rest of the world. I know you think you know how you feel about yourself, but you know what? You're only experiencing yourself based on how you believe others are seeing you. You don't really know how others see you. You can only guess, and you're making your guess from a binary system: "Did they hire me or not?" How do you know that someone didn't hire you because your intelligence, insight, and attractive appearance intimidated them? I've seen pictures, and while I know you don't believe it, you're a beautiful woman. I've had my own experience of you, and you're smart, funny, witty (they're different things), insightful, and informed. Those are pretty damned intimidating for a lot of people out there.
My precious friend, you're worth so much more than you offer yourself. Maybe if you could offer more of it to yourself, you'd get more from outside, too. It's worth trying.
And I send you my warmest, most sympathetic affection. I'm sorry they didn't recognize your stellar shine. You are a star.
poster:Racer
thread:743462
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/743716.html