Posted by muffled on January 31, 2007, at 22:23:26
In reply to Re: canceled my T apt...why do i do this to myself?, posted by youngaddict on January 31, 2007, at 17:03:24
> just wanted to give you an update..
Thank you
>
> i called my shrink on friday and told her how i was having suicidal thoughts, etc etc...:-(
> so she called me back and arranged all these times i could come in. i told her wednesday was the best for me
Good> in the meantime i have been in california having a good time but kind of melancholic at the same time.
Yeah....
> i have been having suicidal thoughts and thinking of how i am hitting bottom, etc.. whatever.Yup...
> but the point is i am still upset over what happened last time with my t that i am afraid to go back to her. i am so so very afraid that she will yell at me or worse yet, not even care.
Well I have heard some odd T stories here on babble, and its not like I haven't heard of a T that yells, but the overwhelming babble response to the yelling T thing, was that it was totally innappropriate.
I somehow doubt your T will yell at you. It wouldn't be in the best interests of developing a 'theraputic relationship', which is what T is based on. 'Theraputic relationship', not friendship, though at times it feels that way, not a replacement parent, just a tool to help you learn what you need to learn to grow and develop in more lifegiving ways.......
And I suspect most T's care to some extent, cuz thats why they doing it, but they also goto keep boundaries to protect themselves from falling apart too....
> i don't think she cares.I can't tell you that. I CAN tell you that I went thru this with my T SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many times.
I have now come to the conclusion that she cares. She cannot carry me, but she can help me find the better path to follow along.
>
> why do i want her to care?For me, I dunno exactly, but it meant alot to me that she cared even when she knew what a sh*thead I was and some of the bad things I done....
Methinks for me it had alot to do with trust. Learning to trust.
So this may be the right T for you, she may not, I dunno. My only advice to you is to be very honest and straightforward with her, and ask her to do the same with you.
If something in your relationship with her is bugging you....SAY IT! (or as I dO.....write it down)
Best of luck to you YA. I KNOW you can get thru this, it may seem impossibly hard, but its NOT impossible. You got SO much fun stuff ahead of you. You just goto break free of the chains and keep growing. Growing is a lifelong process.
Sending good thots your way...
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:726127
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/728611.html