Posted by muffled on January 25, 2007, at 15:20:46 [reposted on January 25, 2007, at 20:57:21 | original URL]
How can you know if its a memeory thing, or just denial?
I have emotions and stuff that show trauma, but I got huge memory blank.
And there's certain places I can't seem to go in my thinking, cuz i block despite myself.
And I am in pieces, and mostly its OK, but sometimes its a problem.
So I wondering, if I so in denial or blocking so, then mebbe its better to leave it alone?
And anyways, anything I would get from the past would be thru my childs perception. Sometimes kids perceive things WRONGLY. And I used to feel intensely I think, so mebbe its just a kids intensity.
So the thing is I WILL NEVER KNOW. Cuz even what I DO know, I consider as sh*t, crapola, cuz there is no concrete evidence. I an old lady, my medical records are long gone. Noone in my family has ever said nothing (not that they would- i found out by accident that my grandfather commited suicide-noone told me-me who has been hospitalized for depression-DUH). From what I gather our family GP was frightening anyways.
So what do I have to go on but some kids perceptions, emotions, and all the weirsd stuff i do and triggers etc? So to me its all sh*t. And I think my T wants me to talk bout it, but I got nothing to say. My T is very careful, she will not put words in my mouth, she just says that I can talk to her bout anything, cuz she is my safe person.
Damn this all is so confusing.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:726521
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/726521.html