Posted by muffled on December 14, 2006, at 20:13:39
In reply to Re: I sent this to my T » canadagirl, posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 14, 2006, at 19:08:09
> muffled,
> the hardest thing to do is to make YOURSELF take a peek over that wall that you built to protect yourself.** I don't know HOW to make myself do that?
I just panic and blank out.
Even if I COULD look over, I dunno if I'd see anything, cuz I seem to have a memory problem of some kind.
> Your T can be there to hold the ladder steady for you. Maybe somebody else (i.e. God) can help you in this process too.**I only trust my T so far. She is human, therefore could bail on me......
God gives me hope, but He don't seem so interested in neccessarily 'protecting' me.......
>
> There's a good reason for having that boundary. And there are good reasons for keeping it, and good reasons for breaching it.**I don't even know WHY I have this stupid wall so high. I am SO tired of it :(
SO SO tired.>
> I'm not sure what your personal style is. My style is not to take peeks and baby-steps, but to attack it with a battering ram and then face a flood of scary monster memories with nothing more than some little pills, a woman I've known for a few months, some kleenex, and my imagination. Oh, and the support I get from psycho-babblers like you :o)
>
> Somedays I think I'm winning, and other days I wish I had never even gotten the idea in my head to pick up that battering ram. Some days I feel like I'm all alone and everything is attacking me from all fronts (my imaginary battle scenes are very midieval, no modern warfare technology is available). Other days I sit around twiddling my thumbs, waiting...**I must not be doing ANYthing. I must be frozen into immobility. Just gonna sit and shrivell apparently...
>
> Every once in a while I win. So do you, you know?
> But I'm not sure when the war will be over. I just know that it's important to avoid getting hurt, because I need to be as strong as possible to face every day.*Sometimes I feel like I getting somewhere. Can't seem to remmeber anything much of interest lately...
I really hate this.
You are very clever Li.
I'm starting to think mebbe I more brain damaged that I thot :(
Damn.
Thanks,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:713701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/713746.html