Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 3, 2006, at 22:42:57
In reply to Re: I talked to my parents.**abuse**triggers** » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by sunnydays on December 3, 2006, at 19:21:16
Thank you guys. This is going to sound really sappy, but I think the thing that convinced me to have this conversation was knowing that you babble-folks are real and that you take the effort to peek at my posts. It really means a lot to me, and I didn't realize how much until I met a few of you on Friday. You are all very unique, special people, and I feel like a stronger, more worthy person to have your support.
Can I be honest?
I've been imagining in my head for a while how such a conversation would play out. It went ten times better than my best-case scenario.
Maybe it will help my parents have a happier marriage too.
Did it rock the boat?
yes. I had a splitting headache, and felt like I was going to faint and vomit for a half hour afterwards. But the show goes on. Expected to arrive at my advisor's house by 7 for the christmas party, with vegetable side-dish in tow.
I crunched up a klonopin and took two aleve and a baby aspirin. And a cleansing shower. threw some carrots and oj and maple syrup in a casserole dish while I got ready. What if I didn't have anything planned? probably would have gone into some kind of dissociative crisis. Bad thoughts creeping in my head, but hopefully they won't stick around too long. (((((seroquel)))))
I get out to wait for my ride, and I don't see a bus coming. I start walking. And the bus passes me. and I keep walking. and walking. about 2.5 miles in 15 degree temperature. fresh air. down jacket. I was okay. headache was gone. I was not much fun at the party. I just didn't give a crap, but there was pie. (((((pie))))) and hot cider (((((hot cider))))))
so, now I'm at home. I think it's too late to call my T and talk to her.
I think this whole thing is so surreal. I won't even remember what was said, only the general themes.
I made my dad cry. only did that once before, when I played violin elegy at my Nana's funeral.
I made my mom cry. she only cried when I left for college.
they made me cry.
I'm exhausted. I'm alive. Who am I?
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:710023
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/710149.html