Posted by sunnydays on November 16, 2006, at 9:24:47
In reply to Re: why does it hurt so much? » sunnydays, posted by Daisym on November 16, 2006, at 0:41:23
> My therapist used to tell me that this would ease off naturally and evolve into something else. And it has, sort of. But I still miss him like crazy sometimss. It feels like it goes in cycles - depending on what else is going on.
***** Definitely. Right before this started feeling really bad, it felt like he was really far away to me. And now suddenly I am feeling all these feelings that I've really never felt before.
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> But I hear more than you "just" missing your therapist. I hear deep grief about the parents you were given. I think the tears have been buried for a long time and now they are part of all this grief coming up. I think you are missing what you didn't get. And I think you are grieving for what you'll never get.**** Yeah, I think so. I really want what I didn't get, and I'm still fairly young, so it just seems like if only my therapist would bring me home, I could make up for lost time, in a way.
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> Grief is a strange thing. I think it wants to be shared. There are other feelings, like shame and anger and depression that don't want to be shared. We isolate, wanting to be alone. But grief -- we seem to want to sit with someone else, the someone who understands us the best. We don't want to be left alone to care for our self - we want to snuggle up next to our therapist and wail, "don't leave me -- ever!" I think of Dinah's therapist/mommy when I think of what I want around this.***** This is exactly it. I never thought about grief wanting to be shared, but that's so what it is. When I'm depressed, I won't call my friends, but now I call my friends and I want them to come over and hold me. And luckily they do, even when I can't tell them why.
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> And even more important, our therapists give us permission to feel sad, to grieve and to cry. They believe we have good reasons to cry. Since we don't always give this permission to ourselves, it hurts even more when we aren't with them.
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> I'm sorry you are hurting.
> Hugs, Daisy
>
Thanks Daisy. I definitely don't give myself enough permission. My therapist has to remind me all the time that it's okay to feel this way. You're so smart Daisy. Thank you.sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:703907
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061109/msgs/704224.html