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Re: The Relationship toojane

Posted by Daisym on November 9, 2006, at 0:14:06

In reply to Re: The Relationship Daisym, posted by toojane on November 8, 2006, at 20:22:42

I can only speak to my experience, but going more did allow me to open up more and trust grew. But I'm admittedly hard to keep attached, my therapist says that also. At the beginning it was starting over everytime. I think other people have commented on how different 1x a week therapy feels from 2x a week and so on.

We've talked about my therapist checking in with me. I never feel like he is giving me the message that he thinks I can't function without him. And it doesn't happen with huge frequency. I know the whole autonomy thing and asking for what you need, etc. But I can think of two very specific times when he called me and it meant the world. When I first starting talking about the abuse, which I had never, ever done, I was so worried that he would hate hearing all my horror and transfer me. And then one day, I think on a Saturday, he called, just to check in and say, "our session was pretty hard for you. I'm thinking about you. How are you with all of this?" THAT allowed me to go deeper and yes, it made it much easier to reach back. Another time I was seriously, seriously suicidal. We had check in calls set up for the weekend, but he called during the evening, after my session, and left me a long voice mail about hanging on. He said he did it for his own anxiety, which was pretty honest of him and he said he needed me to know that I was in his thoughts and not alone. When I tried to brush it off as cya, or some kind of theraputic manipulation he was so hurt - genuinely hurt, that I couldn't receive his caring. And not hurt in some punishing, guilt imposing way. Just surprised and hurt of what I accused him of.

The other thing I was going to say but forgot above, is that we talk all the time about "our" relationship. When I worry that I spend too much time on the relationship part and not enough time on the "real" therapy issues - he always says, "Daisy - this IS the real issue for you. Our relationship and trust."




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