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Re: I'm home from the hospital

Posted by wishingstar on October 29, 2006, at 10:39:34

In reply to Re: I'm home from the hospital, posted by Lindenblüte on October 28, 2006, at 10:09:35

I cant tell you how much is means to me to hear you all say that youre proud of me and that I'm doing "good". It really does. Wednesday night at the ER was probably the scariest thing I've done in a long time. Sometimes I dont know how I get myself to do these things... weird bursts of motivation I guess. Stubbornness maybe. But I guess it was good in the end.

I did go to my parents house just for the afternoon yesterday. Theyre only about 2 hours north of me. My parents arent mean or abusive, they are just completely emotionally absent from my life. If I had stayed more than a day or so, it would have started to become hurtful.. but I can take it for a day. I tried to picture something Randy said to me once.. taking the little girl inside and having her go play in the basement for awhile. I told her I'd come get her when it was safe again. Once or twice I felt some feelings popping up and I just talked to myself with that and it seemed to help. I'm not one for imagery and inner child stuff usually, but it worked. Being at my parents house kept me busy and with people and really thats all I wanted - to get through this weekend until partial without feeling too terrible.

Linden, thanks for pointing out the good things. You're so right, but I hadnt realized that. It's so much easier to see the bad I guess. I'm so excited about Ginny.. I think she may be the T I need finally. I'm just trying hard not to put her on a pedastal because if I do, it can only go down. I do that a lot. But even if she made a mistake now, I think I trust her enough that I could forgive her and keep trusting her. Because everyone makes mistakes. But Anne never got to that point. I never trusted her enough to forgive any mistakes. That's a good sign for therapy with Ginny I think.

I got the nicest call from an old professor on Fri night. He taught a women & gender class I took about 2 years ago. We see each other at the gym occasionally, but arent close at all. I guess my advisor from school, who I am close to, let him in on what's happening. He left me a voicemail and said that he was concerned, that he cared about me.. and if I needed a place to stay, or someone to talk to, or anything else.. to let him know. He isnt someone I would have thought to turn to. I'm still not sure that I can... I just dont know him well enough. But I did email him back and tell him more about what's going on. They tell me that I dont let people in enough, so maybe this is a good step.




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