Posted by gardenergirl on October 5, 2006, at 20:11:49
End of the month is the end of therapy for me. At least for now...continuing on along the journey, etc. only without my partner in the process.
[hubby just came in and said, "Are you crying?" and gave me a very sweet hug. I'm so lucky.]
Ya know, when we decided this earlier this summer, it felt right. It was pretty exciting, though scary. but I felt ready. Eager, almost.
Now, I feel as regressed as I've ever been. Feels so wrong. Scary as hell. And so damn hard. I fear that all I'll do during my last session is just sit there and sob.
I think it's hard for him at least some, too, though. When I said something like, "It's not exactly like you'll go 'poof!' and cease to exist when I'm done. You'll still be here." (I was relating feeling bittersweet about my dad's recent visit, worrying that it could be the last time I ever see him for some reason to ending therapy). My T had a sort of startled reaction to me saying that about "poof!". Unusual for him. The next words out of his mouth were about how there was now a consulting pdoc at the health center, and he'd refer me if I was interested.
I couldn't help but wonder if that would be a way for me to still come in periodically, even after termination. And I don't know if that would be so that I could still "see" my T--as in make sure he really didn't "poof!", or if maybe it is so he could see me occasionally and reassure himself that I'm still okay. Probably the former. It was very odd, though. He's had quite a few non sequitur type response lately. Very strange.
He's said on more than one occasion, though, that termination is hard on the T, too, and that's why so many don't give it the time and work it deserves. And he's the one that said, "Termination is sucky."
sigh
So bittersweet.
So damned terrifying.
So that's what's been going on with me all summer.
How 'bout them Tigers?
&-l
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:692203
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692203.html