Posted by Racer on October 4, 2006, at 2:02:30
In reply to Re: at what age did many people start to feel ill? » annierose, posted by Jost on October 3, 2006, at 22:51:20
If you'd asked me a year ago, I'd have said I had my first depressive episode when I was about 12 or 13. And that might have been mostly true -- for depression.
My current T, though, has pointed out things I would never have thought out of the ordinary: Until I was about 8 or 9, I had Right socks and Left socks, and WOULD NOT put on socks if I couldn't figure out which was which. (That was based around the label in the socks.) I have to do most things a certain number of times, lots of weird number things, just weird things that I wouldn't have realized were weird. Turns out, I've had OCD symptoms since early, early childhood. ADHD type things, too.
And I was hit by a car when I was 4, and for years afterwards, every night as I was going to sleep I would repeat the things I heard the doctors saying while I was in surgery. I couldn't sleep if I didn't do that. And if I made a mistake, I'd have to start over again at the beginning.
And my eating disorder certainly started in earnest when I was about 14, but there were food related things that I know now are often precursors. For one thing, I would NEVER eat something I didn't want to eat. I missed a fair number of meals over the years, because someone would tell my mother that she shouldn't give me anything else -- "if she's hungry, she'll eat it." Uh... I've never yet been hungry enough to eat something not on my limited list of "edible" foods. (In fact, as I get hungrier, I also get pickier.)
In my case, rather like AnnieRose's, there was a distinct period when I really needed and could have benefitted from help. People even recognized that I needed help -- just, no one did anything. Unlike AnnieRose, though, I wasn't passing out. I did have weird physical things, but my mother has this anti-doctor thing so I didn't get anything like effective treatment for those. Especially since Mother thought most of them were psychosomatic. (Uh, so ignoring them will fix them?) Mostly, though, I was very clearly depressed and in big trouble.
Sometimes, now, I look back and think, "Damn it to hell -- WHY didn't anyone DO anything?" Of course I was in trouble -- I wasn't safe at home, I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't safe at school. The only place I felt safe at all was at the barn, and that's probably the least safe place I was. (In the middle of a public park, lots of time spent alone in that park, walking home, etc. There were kidnappings, attacks, rapes in that park. I was just lucky there.)
Most of my life, though, I've looked pretty normal. Too thin, sometimes; too fat when I'm on medication. But I hide the fears, mostly, even when that's not in my best interest.
OK -- now I'm rambling. Short answer: I've been experiencing depression since I was about 12. OCD/ADHD stuff from much earlier.
poster:Racer
thread:691655
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691706.html