Posted by susan47 on September 25, 2006, at 21:03:44
In reply to Re: Oh, Dear, posted by alexandra_k on September 25, 2006, at 3:38:28
You are probably right. I did feel horribly dependent on this therapist, I wanted his approval so much it actually almost hurt, and I had been in a horrible marriage which wasn't really a marriage, more like a torture chamber ... like the family I grew up in, the marriage was just as destructive. I didn't want to feel dependent on this T, I was really attracted to him as a .. male .. and a person, because I could feel how empathetic he was, and I could really feel beautiful things about him because that's just the way he can be .. and I was so frightened that when he found out how inadequate I really was, he would find me disgusting and shameful. I guess when I caught him staring at part of my anatomy that is typically considered sexual, and staring quite bluntly and fascinatedly, I found a coup I could use that would keep me invulnerable. Only, it didn't quite work that way. My past is riddled with bad choices because of my feelings of inadequacy.
I sure hope you are getting therapy, alex. I'm not aware of what's happening with anyone else right now, I'm being very very selfish and self-centered and I don't mind admitting it .. I'm a needy S.O.B. right now. Just not very strong-feeling at all.
But I do care about you and for you very much. I wish someday that we meet. Take care and thank you for your support, you're a beautiful beautiful sensitive and deeply emotional person .. those are all good things.
poster:susan47
thread:688763
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/689228.html