Posted by pegasus on September 21, 2006, at 22:18:20
In reply to Session w/Ex-T on Thursday, posted by pegasus on September 18, 2006, at 13:04:42
I seem to have survived my super therapy day. I talked to my ex-T in the morning, and my current T in the afternoon. When my ex-T got on the phone, I just started crying before I even said anything, and I pretty much cried the whole time. He just said, "How are you?" and I started crying. Then he said, "It's good to hear your voice."
So, I got through most of my story - at least through the therapy ending part. Right now I can't remember most of what he said. But it was mostly good, and only a little hard to hear. He was really reassuring that it's ok for us to have this session, and talk about this stuff. He said we could talk again if I wanted to. He explained what he was trying to accomplish in my last few sessions, and acknowledged that it didn't seem to have worked, based on what I was saying now. He said that he really did hear me and all my pain during our ending. And that it was sooooooo ok that I had all of those feelings. I said, "Are you sure? I mean, I know you would want to be ok with my feelings, and that theoretically you would be" and explained how it hadn't seemed that it actually was ok, though. So, he said that he wasn't *conscious* of any way that it wasn't ok with him. Which was kind of nice, that he allowed the possibility that he'd been doing it unconsciously.
I asked him how it had been for him at the ending, and he said it had been really hard to end such deep relationships. I said "hard how?" and he said it had been really really sad, and he had been worried, about me and others.
So, I think it went pretty well. There were some rough spots, and it was awkward and painful to be crying the whole damn time. But I think so far I'm glad I did it.
Then I cried again for an hour with my current T, which I think was good. She basically said it was ok to be so sad, and that she thought I was also furious at him down underneath it all. She told me the story of the goose girl at the well, which I'll look up and tell you guys. It was about a girl who cried for three years, and her tears turned to pearls which let her eventually have a good life.
whew. I'm pooped. I probably forgot a bunch of stuff; this is just stream of consciousness typing. But I wanted to let you guys know what happened. I could probably not have done it without you all.
p
poster:pegasus
thread:687097
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688038.html