Posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2006, at 7:58:48
In reply to I've been bad, posted by alexandra_k on September 16, 2006, at 7:29:00
there isn't any connection.
nice lady trying to help
but there isn't any connection.i say hi and we manage to banter a little...
then we sit down...
then there is a bit of a silence.
she asks me how my week / month has gone.
i say 'fine' or 'fine thanks' or whatever.
then there is a bit more of a silence.i try and think about something to say...
something that will be meaningful to me
to help me feel connected.
so i start trying to set the scene for something that has happened during the week...
and she sort of follows along but asks strangish questions and tries to help by rephrasing etc but doesn't really get it...then i get to the kind of crucial part.
and i guess she tries to help me reframe it.
but...
she doesn't really get it.she doesn't.
i don't know what to say.
i'm sorry
i get this a lot
with lots of different t's.
i don't think she knows what to do with me.
sometimes she jumps up and starts drawing little models and stuff on the board.
but...
there is no connection really.i feel bad
bad about that
she is nice lady trying to help
so...
why isn't it helping?
why can't i talk to her?
i mean... connect with her?
she doesn't understand.
i mean she really really doesn't.i tried to talk to the uni councellors about how this situation wasn't really working for me therapy wise. they said i should contact her supervisor. her supervisor was the lady who did the intake interview. i remembered thinking... we might just be able to work together... we might just... but then she said she would hand me over to another therapist. apparantly... i need to talk to her. it is just... i don't want to offend my current t. i know it isn't supposed to be about that but in many respects i don't feel like she is my t anyway. it is hard to explain.
so...
i guess i need to get the courage to go see my t... and to say 'i'm not sure that things are working'. because i'm not sure that they are. it is hard because i really do think that she is trying really hard. maybe it is that... she did undergrad philosophy and sometimes she seems interested in my work and stuff and then i realise... its like i'm giving her a tutorial. i don't know. lots of my students were older than me. i don't know. my last t... was the same. i used to go chat with her but... i refused to think of her as my t. she wasn't a t. just someone i went and chatted to every now and then. i've got the same again.
what am i supposed to do with all the sh*t inside of me?
(i don't think they can handle it i don't think they can handle me if i get triggered... i'm scared of me and i'm scared of hurting them and i can't tell them this because... they wouldn't understand and they would probably feel bad):-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:686478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686487.html