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Re: Dependent on a stranger Karolina

Posted by All Done on August 8, 2006, at 4:26:14

In reply to Re: Dependent on a stranger, posted by Karolina on August 7, 2006, at 20:35:12

> I think there can be a lot of different perspectives on this.
> I agree with what fallsfall said about how we don't really 'know' anyone. I also agree with how everyone has a sort of professional facade they feel that they have to put on. Like if we were to have bad days at work and let it show and let people know how we were *really* feeling, it might have a very negative effect on the people we work with or consumers/clients we are in contact with.
> And I forget sometimes that Ts are just as human as we are. That probably there are somedays my T is sitting there thinking 'I really wish I didn't have to sit here and listen to Karolina b*tch about this or that, I'm tired, want to go home, etc' But if they were to *show* that they felt that way, it would also have a very negative effect on us.

Right. And I would wonder how long before the negativity seeps through without anyone really noticing? Or, comes busting through on accident.

> But on the other hand, I totally agree that sometimes it really does feel like they are strangers. My T once said "you really don't know me" and I remember it kind of stung, but I knew he was right. And it does seem unfair that there is such an imbalance, how it can feel like a huge one-sided friendship or something. But I think that is just the nature of therapy, that they are completely and totally dedicated to helping *you*, and don't bring in their own personal needs or problems. And they create a safe, trusting environment where we can express our feelings and not have to worry about what they may think.

(((Karolina))) - That would have stung for me, too.

I guess I'm afraid of him doing something that would shake my trust in him. I know sometimes my work persona has a difficult time keeping the "real" me at bay. It's hard not to mix up the two, but if I do, it doesn't usually have the effect of hurting someone else.

> In some ways it might even be *better* that we don't see the 'other side' of our Ts. I tend to see my T as almost perfect but the truth is that he may actually be a pretty boring guy. Or it would ruin it for me to know if he had some raging temper or acted obnoxious at parties.

Exactly, though. I think I wouldn't feel as free to trust him, if I knew he had a raging temper. And it doesn't feel fair, if he's essentially hiding something like that from me.

> But I can really understand how you feel. It's a frustrating feeling/thing to comprehend. I think it would be an interesting topic to bring up with him maybe.
> -Karolina

Thanks, Karolina. I've brought this up once before. I told him I sometimes wondered if he's an a*****e in real life. It just turned into a discussion about my definition of an a*****e and I think I ended up going on about my ex-husband (go figure ;) ). I'll try the topic again and see how it goes.




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