Posted by thewrite1 on August 7, 2006, at 18:35:18
I used to post here awhile back, but I took a nice long break. I don't know how long I'll stick around this time.
I feel like I'm in love with my therapist. I know I'm not. It's more like I'm in love with idea of her. She's well old enough to be my mother. My sexual fantasies about her are for one purpose, and that's so that I can feel her arms around me. I've talked to her about all of this and she's been wonderful. Some things still come up from time to time, but she's always willing to talk about it.
I've been crushing on older women since I was in grade school. I always thought there was some part of me that's gay even though I'm happily married. Turns out I was just looking for a maternal figure, especially the affection one gets from their mother. My mother was unavailable to me through the years when a child needs their mother the most. Now the little thewrite1 is trying so hard to fill that hole.
My therapist tells me that best way to do that is to be a good mother to yourself. That usually leaves me wanting to slap her, so I haven't figured it out yet. I know she's right and I'm able to distance myself from the feelings I have for her. Ultimately I know it's not about her. I would have had these feelings develop with any therapist I had. I'm just fortunate that I got one that knows how to deal with it.
I'm kind of mad at her right now for being on vacation, but I know I'll get over that. All in all, I feel like I've made tremendous progress.
Anyway, I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone, but it sounds like a few of you are going through these types of feelings just now. Just thought I'd share.
poster:thewrite1
thread:674632
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674632.html