Posted by ClearSkies on July 22, 2006, at 5:27:01
In reply to I'm seeing her tomorrow afternoon., posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 20:40:26
> More later guys.
Well, I did it, I was able to look out her window (thanks, Dinah) and say the words through my tears. My T thinks that getting upset about this and being able to talk about it is a sign of further recovery from my alcoholism; that the deeper forgiveness of myself has to happen. It hurts, to feel this shame so completely and overwhelmingly.
It was a relief to be able to say it out loud, and to hear that I'm not a loser for feeling the way I do. Boy, it's been a long time since I saw myself as a loser. It's a familiar and horrible feeling - no wonder it made me cry so hard. It was not like taking several steps back, but like turning around and racing back to the starting line.
Now she wants me to write about it... that will be difficult, committing the past to paper. Even if no one ever sees the words, they'll be out there, out of the trap of my head. Why am I so afraid? There's no one to judge, no one to say to me "I have never gotten over what you did, what happened..."
poster:ClearSkies
thread:667053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/669282.html