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What Would You Do??? (Maybe Trigger?)

Posted by TherapyGirl on June 22, 2006, at 15:53:00

Hi, Everyone. Sorry I've been so absent for so long. I've tried to keep up with the threads, but generally am either too exhausted to post a reply or feel like everyone else has already said it better than I ever could. I am thinking about all of you, though, and wishing for peaceful waters for all of us.

In the last few weeks, I've been laid off and dealt with a very nasty situation with former boss at old job. That's over, but now my child is having major, MAJORLY RISKY surgery in a couple of weeks. It has been a huge source of anxiety for me and I am very, very worried that he won't make it through the surgery. I had come up with a plan to have T available to me all day on surgery day, which was originally scheduled on a day when she doesn't work. I even asked her if she would come to the hospital if things go very badly and she agreed.

Well, this week the surgeon changed the surgery day to my therapy day. Because of pre-op appointments, the 4th of July and the fact that my child will be in the PICU on the one other available day that week, I will not be able to see my T.

I saw her today for the first time in 2 weeks (she was on vacation last week). And I kind of knew going in that I was not going to be able to reschedule the appt. that week, but it felt like she didn't even try very hard to accommodate me, you know? And then she was moving along and I was trying so hard not to cry and stomp my feet. And she totally didn't get it, which isn't like her. I have known her for 21 years and been in active therapy with her for 15 or 16 of those years. I finally said to her, "I'm sorry. I knew this was going to happen, but now I can't get past the fact that I won't be able to have a session that week. I was really counting on that for getting me through it." She was so out of it that she thought I was talking about LAST week, which, btw, I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN THROUGH. I said, "NO. I'm talking about surgery week." You know what she said? "The next couple of weeks are going to be very difficult for you and you're just going to have to get through it." IS SHE KIDDING ME????????????? That's it???????

I don't know exactly what I expected her to do -- mostly just try harder to reschedule me or offer to ask some of her other clients to switch days or offer to give me an appt. on her day off or SOMETHING. And I surely expected her to get how difficult this is for me after all this time.

The rest of the session was a complete waste of time and money. I was so mad at her for not getting it and so mad at myself for needing her too much. I'm tempted to just bow out of therapy until after the surgery because I don't feel like I can deal with my ANGST (to borrow a term from AnnieRose) about this AND get my child through surgery.

But then part of me wants to call and BEG her to ask some of her other clients if they would switch days. She's done it to me on occasion. Why doesn't this situation qualify? And more important, why didn't she offer?

I'm just so disgusted. And I hate beating my head against the brick wall of therapeutic boundaries. I get that this is one of those situations where I need more than I can get from her, but my LORD it's frustrating.

If any of you have managed to read this far, thanks. I'd appreciate your thoughts on the situation.




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