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Re: Got in a fight with my Shadow (TRIGGER) » Tamar

Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2006, at 9:15:05

In reply to Got in a fight with my Shadow (TRIGGER), posted by Tamar on June 11, 2006, at 7:07:01

((((Tamar))))

I am so sorry. Would it help to talk here about what happens to upset you? It might serve to reduce the tension that leads to self injury.

I know that for me, part of the reason I SI is so that people will see and feel my distress. So I can't pretend that everything is ok and go about my business normally. Because I'm angry at life for continuing to go on without acknowledging my pain. Because I'm angry that people expect too much of me, and don't understand that I just can't perform as expected. Perhaps your Shadow wants acknowledgement.

That's why I suggested you talk about your pain here. Bringing the pain into the light is sometimes helpful to me in that way.

My last injury was pretty obvious. And while part of me was mortified, part of me wanted it seen so that I could get some help. I even deliberately made it visible when I thought I was with someone who could get that help for me. But only one person I came across mentioned it at all or asked for an explanation. I kept it brief and cryptic and truthful, with a tone of not wishing to discuss it, and she dropped it.

Not seeing the injuries, I can't guess what brief cryptic statement will best serve to fend off attention from those who can't help you.

But Tamar, based on my own experience only and no professional experience at all, it may be best not to explain away the cuts to those who can help you. Your husband, your therapist, and anyone else with the power to help should know what pain you're in so that the Shadow doesn't continue to up the ante. And better yet if you can bring yourself to not pretend everything's ok even without hurting yourself (visibly or not).

I don't recall how old your children are? For very young children "Mommy cut herself." might suffice as it's sort of the thing they'd say. If they're older it might be more troublesome.

((((Tamar)))))

How can I help?

Dinah

 

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