Posted by ElaineM on June 7, 2006, at 16:23:55
In reply to Re: hugs..., posted by Karolina on June 6, 2006, at 23:14:54
I don't mind you asking things, but I never know what my stupid fear of responding will let me answer. It hasn't been sexual. Usually it's just a hand on the outer-thigh, or holding my hands, or stroking my face. We've had extenda-hugs too. When I read what you wrote about the pull-back & pause scenario I could really relate. That weird feeling where time seems to hang and your brain goes, "Holy crap, I think he could kiss me!" And then there's when you start to release from the hug like normal, and you can feel him place a fraction more pressure on your back.
It sounds like I'm talking about a boyfriend or something. I'm such a slutty loser. What is happening? I know I don't want to sleep with him at all. But I also know that if he initiated, I couldn't say no. I mean, I doubt it will happen. He's a father. I'm 25. I'm so afraid. And I'm alone in life right now. If something were to happen, I'd rather let it and accept it as a necessary trade-off to isolation. But I do sometimes feel special. I do think he cares, and would not want to hurt me.
Often I wish I had a female T. But I don't think I'd be able to feel as protected. But I'm not though, I'm a mess after every session. Then when nothing happens my heart feels broken. Like I'm not even worthy of being around another person. I'm always upset either way. I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't care.
I feel extra paranoid now.
El
poster:ElaineM
thread:652436
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060604/msgs/654145.html