Posted by Daisym on May 27, 2006, at 2:47:26
This week marked three years in therapy for me. I just can't believe it. I went into it with no intention of sharing anything deep, I was just looking for a way to feel better.
Good thing I didn't know then what I know now....
It was a weird week for this to be our "anniversary." We've been dealing with anger issues for awhile and he really pushed me on Tuesday around this. I was so upset I slipped into a flashback during the session. I was really angry at him, angry at my husband, angry at my parents, and in a rage that I had to leave the session before it was all sorted out. At the end of the session I was completely dissociated and silent. My therapist, who is usually so calm and centered said, "how can we best use our last few minutes together? What would help you the most?" I glared at him and then said, "I want you to make it all better." And he nodded and said, "how would I do that?" I got up and said, "you can't. No one can." I left in tears.
Wednesday he brought it up right away and said he wanted to talk about yesterday. I didn't. I wanted to avoid more upset. But I was curious, so I asked him to go first. He actually said he felt a huge dilema because he knew that talking about anger was hard for me, but he knew I needed to let it out. But he also knew he was pushing and we typically don't work together this way, and he thought perhaps he pushed too hard. He felt bad about the flashback and where we ended up. So he needed some help from me to figure out if he was pushing too hard, etc. I was really suprised and we were able to talk about how it all felt. And I did say that I knew he didn't know what to do at the end, that he had trotted out those old theraputic closing lines "How can we best..." which told me he didn't know what else to say. I told him I had wanted to kill him at that point. He laughed and actually sort of blushed and admitted to falling back on text book phrasing. It was a good session and we reconnected again in a way that we haven't for a little while.
Which was important because i wanted to give him a gift at our last session of the week and I wouldn't have if everything hadn't been OK by then. I gave him two spirals, because he is frequently giving me a speech about how therapy is a spiral and you go around and around the issue until you are done with it. I wrote him a card and said that being in the spiral was frustrating for me but comforting too because I could feel his support wrapped around me as we do this hard work. One spiral representied my personal journey because it was all warped and catawompers. He laughed at that and said I'm unique...not warped. He was delighted and it felt good to give him something so symbolic to mark the time and our work together.
I want to mark that time here too. I don't know how I would have been able to bear therapy without Babblers. You are a unique and special group. I'm soo glad I found you all.
Love,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:649228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/649228.html