Posted by Dinah on March 20, 2006, at 20:30:36
In reply to Re: It's arranged » Dinah, posted by JenStar on March 20, 2006, at 19:58:34
Work is so identified with Daddy to me. I took care of Daddy by taking care of work, and Daddy often took care of me through the work.
When I was discussing things today and discussing what I was suggesting I give up, and where I felt I was most valuable, and where I thought others could do as good a job as I do, it was just superhard. I kept thinking "No, I really can't give this up. Daddy really cared about this. No, not this. This was the first thing Daddy had me do. No, no. If I give up this, no one else will realize how important it really is, and give it the care that Daddy would want it to get."
And of course, it will be hard to give up the literal benefits that come with working a certain number of hours.
But the emotional tug came from feeling I'm letting Daddy down. He trusted me with this. He knew I didn't want to be in management, but he trusted me with the actual work. And maybe he trusted me to *keep* doing it. Even after he was gone. Maybe he trusted me to keep his memory alive that way. Maybe he trusted me to honor what he built, even if he hated it himself. I know I'll still be doing some of it, but I wonder if it's enough.
poster:Dinah
thread:620589
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/622624.html