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former T's mother died, ok to send sympathy?

Posted by shrinking violet on January 29, 2006, at 19:32:37

Hi everyone,
As much as I wish to read/post/respond here more often, it's still a tad painful so I haven't been able to do so yet. I am with a new T, but it's very different than my former T and, well, I haven't had reason to post here about her yet! ;-)

Anyway, a few day's ago, there was a listing in the main newspaper's Obituary page, stating that my former T's mother had passed away last week. For those of you who remember, my T and I had a rather unique and somewhat confusing but albeit close relationship. Since leaving her last May, I've written to her a couple of times and sent her a holiday card.

I'd like to send her my sympathy regarding the death of her mother, but would it be appropriate to do so? In some way, I feel like I shouldn't know or say/do anything, even though it was in the newspaper and not exactly a secret. Here are my options as I see them (feel free to toss in any others I may be overlooking):

1. Ignore it, and don't acknowledge it at all. While this may be a "safe" option, it wouldn't make me feel very good as a person who cares for my ex-T and wants to send my condolences.

2. Send her a sympathy card via postal mail to her office. To me, though, sending a card this personal to her work seems a bit inappropriate, and I'd hate to upset her at work. True, her mother was elderly and has been ill for some time (I remember when I was seeing my T her mother was sick on and off and she expected her mother to pass on even then), but still....Would it be appropriate or not?

3. Send her a short email and/or e-card. Although, when I terminated with her we understood that i wouldn't email her anymore, although it isn't like I'm trying to act like a client or dump anything on her. But, I'm not sure if this is appropriate either (and is email too informal for something like this?).

I don't know. My brain is working overtime here, and I could use some help in figuring out what is OK and what isn't.

Thanks everyone,




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