Posted by muffled on January 8, 2006, at 22:00:42
In reply to I know this is going to sound stupid **trigger**, posted by fairywings on January 8, 2006, at 20:45:12
> I've been really depressed lately, and I think it's partly bec. I can't handle the emotions that go along with therapy - sitting w/the feelings that come up, the anxiety of talking about things and the depression that comes after, the dependence, the needy feeling, the feelings of humiliation and low self esteem, etc. I honestly wonder if I'd be better off w/o therapy. My T is unavailable right now, and I think I want to wean myself from therapy bec. it's too overwhelming. Since he's unavailable, I think I'd be fine, maybe better off, if I weaned away from therapy.
****I know EXACTLY what you are saying.
>
> Sometimes when I think about things I get so anxious I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack, and when I sit with my mind unoccupied, trying to just be with my feelings, it feels like my heart is very heavy, or I have a rotted feeling inside - which comes on me all of a sudden and scares me. But mostly now I just feel bad - I don't even know how to describe it.***yeah I got badness inside too that I can't make go away.
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> I talked to my husband about quitting - he's a great guy, very kind, but he has NO negative feelings ever (never sad, down, or depressed) and no interest to get in touch with any feelings, so he's just no help figuring it out. He doesn't understand my feelings of sadness, why I start to cry for no reason out of the blue, why therapy would be so overwhelming, and when I was suicidal he just pretty much patted me on the head, asked if he could get me anything, and went on his way. It's not that he doesn't care, he just honestly doesn't have a clue.***My husband had a crazy upbringing but he's way better adapted than me. He keeps teeling me its all in my mind, I just have to decide I gonna be betterand not shy and just go for it like he did and everything will be fine. He don't get it either. Makes me wonder about myself even more. What the hells my problem anyways.
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> When I went to my pdoc and told him how depressed I'd been feeling; my level of anxiety was through the roof about an hour before my appt. and all during my appt. Just thinking about having to tell him makes me incredibly anxious. I just don't know how many times I can go through that, maybe one of these times I will have a heart attack, and if therapy is partly bringing up those bad/depressed feelings, is it worth it? I don't get anxious like that with my T, just when I have to talk to my pdoc about changes for the worse in my mood, and he's always so nice. I don't know why I get so anxious. I guess it's the humiliation and low self esteem. And I know he's not judging me in any way, so that's not the issue. I know he just wants to help.***I'm just starting to be ok with my T. But the thing is, sometimes I wonder why I 'stir up the pot' as it were. Everytime things get a little intense, I freak and do SI and then my T backs off. Now she wants me to do dbt cuz I think she dunno what to do with wacko me. :(
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> Should I quit therapy now that I have a chance to wean away?***I had a therapy break and I never felt better. Went back to my old familiar comfortable (dysfunctional) patterns. But it started to go wrong again, so I went back.
Sigh.
Muffled.
poster:muffled
thread:596817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596875.html