Posted by orchid on December 12, 2005, at 20:56:09
In reply to I am going to tell my T that I am leaving my DH, posted by happyflower on December 11, 2005, at 12:22:53
I have been in a very bad marital state for much longer. For the first couple of years, my marriage was totally intolerable. I was being a complete jerk in the first year, and then it was my husband's turn to be a jerk.
But eventually we have stayed together, worked out most of the issues, and still manage to have lot of good time and affection towards each other. Actually these days, it has been extremely nice and pleasant and I miss him when he is not around, and I really like him a lot.
But honestly, it was not possible to put sincere effort into my marriage when I was still communicating with my first T. I always felt distracted emotionally, and even though I made attempts like trying to get him to a marriage counsellor etc, I didn't put my heart and soul in the marriage, and of course, whatever efforts I put in at that time didn't work. Oh by the way, my marriage was also like yours now.
I think you are in the same state too. I think you really are not capable of all the emotional investment needed for a marriage to work at this state - with your mind full of your T. It really isn't possible to try to work out a marriage fully when your heart is full with another guy. Subconsciously you might be sabotaging your own efforts.
Think about it more, and I think you need to wait atleast until a year after your therapy terminates and you stop seeing your T, to come to a realistic conclusion about your marriage.
Plus most people who are basically nice, will turn around even if they falter for a year or two. If you think your hsuband is basically a decent guy (and I think he has been in the past for the past 10 years with you), you should give him more time.
poster:orchid
thread:588054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588494.html