Posted by Tamar on November 30, 2005, at 20:38:13
In reply to Why my DH won't do couple therapy, posted by happyflower on November 30, 2005, at 19:48:28
> In his first marriage of 9 years, his wife used therapy to leave my now husband. She said she needed to "find" herself, but what she actually wanted to do is date other guys.
It’s true that therapy is no guarantee that a couple will work things out… but if both people are willing to be honest with each other and take the risk of continuing the relationship, it can work.
> My T says this is common actually. It kinda like saying yeah, we have tried all we can, so we are now getting a divorse. I guess a lot of people use couple therapy , to leave their sposes. My T understands why my DH doesn't want to go through that again.
I guess in your husband’s previous experience it didn’t work. And yet… does your husband really think *you* want to date other guys? Does he really think you might be using couples therapy as an excuse to leave him? If you wanted to leave him, you could leave him with or without couples therapy. And by the way, it seems to me that *you* are not the problem here…
> But what else can we do? My DH is a classic avoider of issues. He is avoiding me now, the jerk. I don't know how I am going to get him to therapy when he had a bad experience. This doesn't look good for our marriage.
Does he have an answer to that? It seems to me that
(a) you believe there are serious problems in your marriage – and with good reason.
(b) if the marriage is to continue those problems need to be addressed.
(c) the problems can’t be addressed without your husband’s co-operation.So if he won’t do to couples therapy, he really should come up with an alternative idea. And you’d be within your rights to question how much he values your marriage if he won’t take your concerns seriously.
I hope he starts seeing sense…
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:583850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/583886.html