Posted by muffled on November 21, 2005, at 13:10:57
In reply to Re: ((B2))Hows the weeked doing???, posted by B2chica on November 21, 2005, at 12:24:57
> it s#cks that you feel that way too, but glad i'm not alone also. it's not so bad, but kinda scary other times it's (weirdly) comforting.
*Yea, me too. We both awful eh?! Must be ok then.
>
> i need to get mad, but i won't let myself, i need to cry but i can't. i need to talk but i get so confused.*THATS the 'you in my head' thing. I don't even know what to be mad about, I DO NOT cry, I told my T. that if I ever cry, she is not to notice and I HAVE to make it stop. And I am SO freaking CONFUSED. I dunno what to tell T cuz I dunno what the hell is going on. Its all just a mish mash of confusion. My T says to me one time 'I think you less confused than you think you are'. Man if she could go in my head she wouldn't last 5 mins, even with her damn traing, she would freak out entirely. My head is a sething mass of confusion about myself. But that being said, its not all bad. Good things happening too. Its just so SLOW.
I am taking compliments to myself better. I see myself some better, I'm being WAY better bout my inside kid. I'm not nearly such a wingnut, don't do all the risky behaviours I used to. So, good stuff too.> i missed that last two times of dbt, but i think i'll need it this weekend (family stuff and all).
*yeah, proly good to have continuity I guess.
> it doesn't really help, except that it's sometype of accountability 'officer'. just to keep me in check kinda stuff. besides, i'm pretty good at giving advice (just can't seem to take it) especially not my own.
*Ah, you ok.
>
> i'm not so useful today either.*Good we'll be useless together!
>
> i bought two t-shirts and a sweater yesterday and i feel awful about it. why...i can't stand that i bought those for myself.*other day, I bot myself an MP3 player. Didn't need it thats for dam sure. Felt guilty as hell. Mind you, I DO enjoy it! I think I over the guilt. My T talked to me about it.
i wanted to take them back last night but my husband said NO especially about the sweater cuz he said he didn't want me to wear a t-shirt or one of my hoodies to t-day with his folks.
*Does he want you naked? What are you to wear? I NEVER dress up. My poor hubby. I will hopefully improve that too someday. Man I am such a piece of work all right.
> so i still have it sitting there on my bed almost mocking me. rubbing the concept of material items in my face. i feel like...almost repulsed by the idea of new stuff. next time i think i'll just go to a consignment store.
*Thats a great idea!!!You can get good stuff at consignment and w/out the guilt factor. Good on ya!
>
> lothing myself
> b2c.*Sorry to hear you loathing youself right now. For what its worth, I don't loath you. And with all the sh*t you doing right now, I think you deserve to have some nice stuff.
Just try and enjoy. Tell you hubby hes so lucky he don't got muffled as his wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Muffled.
Useless as ever.
But never giving up.
Ever.
poster:muffled
thread:580538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/580882.html