Posted by fairywings on November 1, 2005, at 22:56:09
In reply to I don't know, posted by messadivoce on November 1, 2005, at 17:10:32
> Living with my dad is such a roller coaster. I never know when he'll be happy with me. Good dog? Bad dog? It hurts to live in the same house, it hurts to have him be impatient with me, it hurts me to see him being Pastoral with his parish members, it hurts me when he's unexpectedly kind and understanding, because then I get a taste of what I've been so desperately missing. close up and patch the hole, somehow.
I completely understand this, I'm sad for you and to have to live with it again opens all those old wounds. Wish he could hear how horribly you feel. Any chance you could print this off and leave it where he "might" find it?
>
It hurts to be around other men who have little kids and observe what good daddies they are, it hurts to see little girls with their fathers and wonder if maybe I could have grown up with less self-loathing.I see those good daddies too, and it does look wonderful, but I didn't think about actually being one of those little girls. Gives me something new to ponder.
>
> I love my fiance, and he values me probably more than any other man I've ever known, but I've made up my mind that I can't turn my fiance into Daddy, nor would I want to. He needs me and I need him in an equal sort of way. It's just different.You know it took me years to get to the point where I can get some of that fatherly love from my husband. I've told him how it feels sometimes, and he doesn't mind just holding me close when I need that love. He knows what I missed. It's not in a weird way, just the snuggling part, the closeness, sometimes I just close my eyes and pretend, and it feels good. I can have it for moments at a time, and then go right back to where we both need me to be. It's a wonderful feeling. Doesn't fix what was broken years ago, or the pain I feel, but he's so loving and kind, how could I not try to tap the daddy in him?
> I want to start my life over, and be his daughter this time.
Can I be your sister?
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:574003
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/574369.html