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What's Going to Happen to Me?

Posted by Shay Sweet on October 4, 2005, at 14:18:57

HI can't sit still long enough to give an in-depth explanation of what's going on, nor do I want to torture anyone with said explanation, but here's a brief synopsis. Please keep in mind that I AM SCARED.

I have been taking Xanax for extreme anxiety, Lexapro, Methadone, and Phentermine. It costs me $125 per month just to see the doctor, which is okay considering the clinic costs with the two hour per day drive included.

However, I had to break today's monthly appointment because I was recently terminated from my employer, for whom I worked diligently and reliably for two years. Prior to acquiring that job, which was by no mistake for a mental health and substance abuse facility, I lost my fiance to an overdose. Our baby had just turned one year old when he passed, at age twenty-seven. We were already separated because of his illegal drug use, but he was trying so hard from afar to get rehabillitation services. It would have been his first shot at rehab, had he not gone for one last hurrah the evening prior to his would have been admission.

That said, the cause of his death and my college background/interests prompted me to start the job at, we'll call it, for confidentiality purposes, the Betty Ford Center (alias).

My now 3-yr-old daughter has begun receiving SS Death Benefits, which bumped us just above the poverty level necessary to maintain assistance paying for daycare by the state. In retrospect, I don't know if that $$ helped or hurt us. Right now it's hurting.

Because of "the system," which was absolutely a life saver when he died, providing the *temporary* assistance necessary to propell my toddler and me gently into the respectable world of a managable lifestyle, ie. steady job with benefits (before which the state issued transitional medicaid), a small amount of cash assistance partnered with very strict guidelines, and rightly so, as well as food stamps, all of which were "transitional," and would not last any longer than the start of a full time job or four weeks, whichever came first. In order to receive Ca$h, you had to spend 40 hours per week working to find a reasonable job, accompanied by proof that you either applied for, interviewed for, and/or inquired about. If after the four weeks you still could not find a job, provisions would be made for you to work a state job.
A hugely necessary bonus to this process, which essentially is the state's way of urging you along so they could cease the cash as quickly as possible, was for the person in charge of the Workforce Program, about which I was just speaking, to refer you to the state childcare assistance agency. This was vital to job searching, as it is nearly impossible to productively job seek with a toddler in tow.
***I have exhausted my savings paying for just three weeks of childcare, and I can't afford to pay it this week, nor can I afford to lose her place there, as it is the only affordable one, in walking distance, that has a caring and educated staff, and believe me, I've done the research on ALL OF THEM.***
I was discovered by "Betty Ford" through Monster.com, and the transitional state assistance was properly utilized and taken away upon 'getting on my feet.'
I was terminated from my job three weeks ago, and I am automatically disqualified for the Cash Assistance due to my daughter's SS Death Benefits. I don't care about the cash, but there is no other way to go through the next two steps, which are the workforce program and subsequent Childcare referral, which can only be done by the workforce leader.
All three case workers I had previously answered to had been replaced, and no one seemed to be able to help.
Luckily I have skills that won't make job seeking too difficult, but I can't afford Lexapro or even the doctor's appointment. I know it's not safe to go cold turkey. Anxiety is whirring around in my brain and stomach, and my doctor is too far away (1 hour drive) to even ask for samples or a change to cheaper meds.
The Social Services office is awaiting a response from my ex-employer regarding proof of loss of income, and until then, there can be no decision made with respect to medicaid acceptance/denial, as the case mey be. Also, I have ADD but can't afford to see a doctor who can properly diagnose.
The Community Mental Health Center here in town is the only place I could even consider trying, but the person greeting me, asking me questions, doing triage and financial information, would be MY JOB REPLACEMENT. It is humiliating to say the least, but somehow I knew all those years that I belonged on the other side of the glass window.
Can anyone make a suggestion?
Is it true that Prozac works just as well as Lexapro?
What's the worst that can happen if I just don't take Lexapro anymore, after three years?
I have a bottle of older Zoloft (2 yrs). Can I substitute that until I get paid or will I face the probability of becoming more depressed?
Any advice/comments/direction would be invaluable!

Shay Sweet


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Shay Sweet thread:562772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562772.html