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Re: New therapist » Dinah

Posted by frida on October 3, 2005, at 21:03:51

In reply to New therapist, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2005, at 16:35:16

Dear Dinah,
I'm in tears thinking about all the stress you're going through and what is happening with your therapist.
I'm relieved that he did make you feel he cares about you deeply after all you have shared together.
This seems like a horrible nightmare :-(
I hope you can see him, I feel that you two care so deeply, that you'll find a way to continue T with him...
I hope you can feel some connection with the new T.

i'm so sorry.
my heart goes out to you

thinking of you and sending you all my support
Frida


> I don't know yet. She's ok with long term therapy. That's good. She seems nice enough, but pretty and stylish enough to be a bit intimidating to me. (How do people manage to walk in backless sandals without falling down?)
>
> It was mostly dry discussions of the get to know you sort. Whenever something more delicate came up, I pretty much shut down and went blank. :(
>
> I wonder if a woman can possibly help me feel safe. My significant positive caretaking figures have almost all been men. She doesn't have a deep voice, or a way of saying that everything will be ok, even when it's pretty obvious it won't be. :(((((
>
> As far as the rest of my life... Well, some of you might remember my emetophobia. I'm scared of people throwing up around me. I had gotten it a lot under control, but in the stress of the hurricane and everything, it's come back full force.
>
> My inlaws are living with us. My grandmother in law overexerted herself climbing up the four inch and six inch threshold to our house (that kept us from flooding, blessed thresholds) and promptly threw up. I was instantly thrown back into my adolescent fear and tried desparately to get away. I couldn't. My tire was flat. I had nowhere to go anyway. My mother's house isn't really liveable, and it's long been contaminated anyway. (She is planning to live there though, while she's fixing stuff up.) My office is destroyed, although we have moved to a barely habitable one that at least has a roof. But I can't stay there.
>
> So I called my pdoc (who incidentally will probably also be relocating to another city so I'll have to either find a new one or transfer my meds management to my internist). He increased my Risperdal from .25 mg as infrequently needed to 1 mg twice a day. With that, added klonopin, and spending my time holed up in my study or our bedroom with the doors closed and the tv all the way up (with videos because we have no tv service) or with my ipod blasting in my earphones, I've managed - barely - to stay here. I spent more than one night curled up on the floor of my closet.
>
> I feel terrible. I like my inlaws. My father in law is my favorite relative on either side of the family. But I can't shake this obsessive fear, and I've been avoiding them like the plague. I just feel terrible.
>
> My husband is trying to find alternative housing for them, and in fact found a place in an assisted living facility in another city (nothing in our area). But my father in law is declining so rapidly that we're not sure assisted living will be enough. We're worried about sending him there when what he may need is a nursing home. The assisted living facility has assured my husband that they will be able to handle it, and if they can't they can help place him where he'll get the care they need.
>
> I'm worried about that very dear man. He isn't eating or drinking enough and is growing weaker and weaker. His depression at his wife's death in December is being compounded by effectively being homeless temporarily and losing most of his possessions permanently. He's wasting away before our eyes.
>
> And I worry that we are getting rid of them by sending them someplace out of the city. But there is nothing in the city, and both my husband and I work and basically they are not getting the care they need here at the house. And most of the sitting services have lost most of their workers. Not that our house can accomodate another person. The dogs are being boarded as it is because the inlaws are so fragile.
>
> My *real* therapist (sigh), and my new therapist both assure me that we're doing the right thing. There are just no services in the city. Even if I didn't have these obsessions to deal with, we can't spend the time taking care of them because we're both working as well as dealing with the disaster around us. Yet I know if it weren't for the fact that I can't bear to stay here with my obsessions my husband would try harder to keep them here. I feel so terrible. I wish I could explain to them, but my husband doesn't want them to know. So they just think I don't like them, and that I'm a rude b*tch.
>
> The stress is unbelievable. I'm trying to occupy myself with the idea of moving to Huntsville, but in the back of my mind is the idea that maybe my therapy isn't really over forever, and that my son's school is absolutely perfect for him and there is no equivilant school in Huntsville, and that neither my husband and I have ever had another job in our entire working lives. College (or before college for me) and twenty years later we're still here. I'm not sure that stress would be any less than this stress.
>
> But at least it's keeping me busy.
>
> I could take all of it, if I had my therapist. And I made him defensive and irritated telling him so (GOOD!!!!).
>
> I guess the good news is that I finally believe that I am special to him, not just another client, and that he cares for me as much as someone not related by blood or marriage can care for someone.
>
> The bad news is that that doesn't matter one whit.
>
> How do you make tears in writing?


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:frida thread:562381
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562508.html