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Re: How common is it, really? » rabidreader

Posted by 10derHeart on August 18, 2005, at 23:55:18

In reply to Re: How common is it, really? » 10derHeart, posted by rabidreader on August 18, 2005, at 14:54:47

HI,

I know you're having a bad time with this termination and your feelings. It hurts so much, I do remember. What an old and tired statement this is....but I swear time will heal it somewhat. It may be a long time, but it will happen. I hope you keep posting here becasue Babble helped me tremendously, especially in the 3 months before I was able to write to him. You have it MUCH tougher than me, I know, without the post-term. contact. It truly sucks :-( Maybe one day, they'll stop teaching T's such one-size-fits-all cr*p about termination. Or worse, glossing over it quickly like it's nothing (HAH!) Seems hopeful, if you read posts from some Babblers in training to be T's now. But there's little consistancy with pdocs, psychologists, SWs, and so on, is what I'm getting. <sigh> Change comes slowly, I suppose.

I was never afraid that my ex-T. would terminate me. Never. What I was afraid of is that I'd keep seeing him (how can you stay away when you're SO attached, love them on several levels, and think about them day and night!!) but he'd sound, act, speak and *feel* differently toward me.

I thought that would have been hell on earth. His gentleness, humor, caring and respect meant so much - everything - to me at that time in my life. And his opinion of me as a woman, as a person - that was a HUGE fear... Projection, mostly, I suppose, made me suspect he would HATE me and be REVOLTED by all these feelings. Well, I was wrong, because he handled the stuff he did know before leaving just beautifully.

It was one the biggest risks in a relationship I think I've ever taken. Hopefully, I've internalized something important from that. I'm still sorting out the meaning and impact with my T. now. I do feel better overall, though, and I know ex-T's choices when I was so broken and vulnerable had a LOT to do with that.

Take care, rr.

 

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