Posted by pinkeye on August 4, 2005, at 12:41:47
I had a good session. Came back from it with a good feeling, and nice feelings for her.
She was pretty amazing.
I got the gift for her wrapped up, and she initially said, "Let's talk about it, I am not supposed to accept gifts". And I told her it is not an expensive gift, and showed her my painting for her ( I painted a plate for her with a small tree branch and a simple thank you and I gave her a card, and told her how she had helped me). And she was happy, and she said she could accept that and that it was very meaningful. She said "I will gratefully accept it and it is really very meaningful". I was also happy.
And we talked about attachment, and what it means to her. SHe said she is attached to me - but that is not the same thing as creating dependancy on my part on her. She said it would be criminally negligent of her, if she had created a dependancy on her - if she had made me believe that I couldn't go on with her. She said part of being attached is caring, and fundamental respect for the other person, and that respect includes a trust in that other persons ability to handle his/her own life well with or without you.
She said we are in a business, and this business contract includes a certain amount of caring. She said, when a patient enters into a therapy relationship, there is a contract on the therapist part, that the therapist will help the patient, live a better life on his/her own, and by the very nature of the contract, therapists have to terminate one day, because, if they don't leave ever, then the patients never really live a good life on their own.
She said that is the key issue I always have - confusing attachment with dependancy, and giving over power. She said attachment is good, but dependancy and "I won't be able to survive without you" is bad.
I told her she helped me so much. I told her finally it made sense for me why I was always suffering so much, how it never occurred to me to link my fahter's issues with the problems that I had. And she said, just the fact that my father meant well, doesn't mean what he did was right. It really didn't matter if he was intending well or not (she thinks he neglected my interests and acted selfishly). She said that is the part I get confused about - if he acted well intentioned or not. She said I always end up making light of the fact that it happened because my father was a good person and meant well, and that is what is holding me back. She said what he did was hugely inappropriate, and that I am suffering becuase of it. And that I needed to work on my anger, and guilt and acceptance issues.
I told her thankfully she was not a male so I didn't have huge transference towards her yet again. She said, she really wished I had all these feelings towards her, and that would have helped her help me more. Because I had all the time and she would have helped me work through those feelings, if it was about her.
She said I can call her if I really need to. And she said I can return back to therapy with her later if I needed.
So it was a good terminating session. And I left with good feelings about her.
poster:pinkeye
thread:537448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537448.html