Posted by littleone on July 20, 2005, at 21:28:43
In reply to Making like a vegetable (sorry very long), posted by littleone on July 19, 2005, at 21:43:34
Thanks for the replies guys.
I guess this time is different than my normal vegetable routine. Normally I'm afraid of giving him something. But I can normally cut fear off inside me and do what needs to be done anyway.
I guess this time I feel really hostile towards him. And I can't seem to cut that off so easily.
I was reading gg's post on Admin about Projective Identification and it got me thinking. I kind of think that maybe my actions have been (unconsciously) designed to elicit frustration in him. This frustration then re-enacts my parents' reponse to me. That in turn amplifies my withdrawal/hate/hurt which in turn creates more frustration.
And it almost makes sense that it all started with the Books as Comfort post. I can't remember, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least if needing comfort from my dad resulted in frustration then rage on his part.
And how sad would that be? A little kid wanting some comfort and getting raged at instead.
But I also wonder if this isn't the case at all. It kind of feels a lot easier to be able to blame him. *He's* let his frustration come through. *He's* not maintaining an empathetic, etc stance. *He's* stuffing up.
Not that I would be blameless. After all, it is my actions that are generating his frustration. But geez, I'm the messed up one here. Of course I'm gonna do stupid stuff like that.
poster:littleone
thread:530362
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/530868.html