Posted by Tamar on June 28, 2005, at 15:49:45
In reply to My Dream, posted by pinkeye on June 28, 2005, at 15:11:10
> Yesterday I had a strange dream - that I am becoming a lunatic. That I have lost control and I don't understand what I am doing and saying. There are a bunch of my relatives in my house, and I am acting like crazy - throwing things, not understanding what I am saying etc.
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> And the only thing that I remember is that I wrote to my ex T and that he didn't write. I ask my father why my ex T didn't write. And he says something like that he went and met him, and my ex T told him that I was not worth writing to anymore.. and that he is moving away.
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> And then I have a dream about me beign in an hospital and my ex T comes there in a car, but refuses to see me or talk to me.. and people are taking me to the psych ward.
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> It was really frighteningThat does sound frightening.
It sounds as if you are afraid that you might experience life very differently from your relatives. I think this is a legitimate fear, since you will be returning to India after a time in the US, and people will think you have changed a lot. And maybe you are afraid that living with your husband’s parents will drive you crazy!
When you ask your father about your ex-T, it sounds as if your unconscious is processing your transference. And your father’s message that your ex-T thinks you are not worth writing to any more seems to touch the depth of your feelings of rejection. I think it’s interesting that the message comes through your father, rather than directly from your ex-T. It suggests to me that the pain of rejection by your ex-T may be reflected in the fear (and perhaps reality) of rejection by your father. (I have a theory that csa involves profound feelings of rejection. It is a rejection of your basic humanity.)
The hospital seems to represent a place where you can get well, but your ex-T refuses to see you (and by implication, he refuses to treat you). I think this suggests that you are afraid that you can’t get well without him.
There is a sense of distance from your ex-T all through this dream, and that is probably significant. You have been doing some hard work on moving away from your desire for his support, but it must be painful to feel you are breaking away from him. You might feel as if you would rather hang on to him.
If I remember correctly your current T is CBT, isn’t she? Nevertheless, you might want to mention this dream to her; she might have some interesting things to say about it.
poster:Tamar
thread:520625
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/520636.html