Posted by crushedout on June 24, 2005, at 16:10:11
In reply to Re: Very frustrated with therapy » crushedout, posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 0:13:21
It's hard for me to respond adequately to everyone's posts from work, but I want to try:
> I think one of the important things about therapy is that we have carved out space to talk about things and think things through outloud. Being encouraged and allowed to be self-reflective in this space allows for our own insights into what and why we do things. Perhaps your therapist is providing this space, and providing some quiet strength and support for you to look into yourself.
Yes, I think she does this, and sometimes does it very well. It's when she tries to make an observation that we usually get messed up.
> The most frustrating thing about therapy, for me, is that he doesn't have the answers. He tells me his crystal ball is broken and his magic wand is in the shop. I want to get from point A to point B and I want a map and land marks. He wants to analyze my choice of transportation!Totally understand this! I told her something yesterday and she said it was interesting and then I wanted to yell to her, "OK, now work your magic!" I silently cracked myself up with this thought. Almost shared it with her. I think she would have laughed. That's one thing I like about her -- she has a good sense of humor.
> I guess you have to ask yourself what your goals are and if you feel better or worse. You sound better. I also think that maybe (totally guessing here) that you must still be so gun-shy about building a deep connection with her. Perhaps this is getting in the way a little bit.I am better, you're right. I'm not sure if that's because of her, other factors, or both. I did tell her the other day that one thing's for sure: she isn't damaging me in any way, and that's an improvement over the last T. (I guess I have been kind of frank with her about my frustration -- I told her this in the context of telling her I often wasn't sure if therapy with her was helping me at all. And she didn't seem to take this personally, which was a big relief -- and also a huge improvement over my last T who often would take things personally even when they *weren't* personal.)
You also may be right that I'm gun-shy about getting close to another T. I really went through the ringer with that last one. My life is so much calmer now and although sometimes I miss the drama, excitement, intimacy, intensity, I also appreciate the lack of debilitating depression and anguish. I'm sure you all can understand that.
> My favorite way to handle people who forget things is to say, "Like I told you before, I blah, blah, blah..." I think you were brave to tell her you didn't follow her today. I hope she rephrased things for you.Yeah, that's what I do, too. I do it a lot with her. I say, "I think I told you about this before, but anyway..." She did try to rephrase things and I think I understood her better. She really is amazingly undefensive.
> Keep working on it. It will come together. I like Dinah's suggestion about focusing on her strengths. Maybe you could actually ask her what she things her strongest asset as a therapist is. It might give you insight to why she does certain things a certain way. Equally, you could ask her what she thinks her weakness is. See if she is self-aware. It is a kind way of opening a conversation to your frustrations.As I said before, I think these suggestions are brilliant. Thank you Daisy.
poster:crushedout
thread:517766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050622/msgs/518197.html