Posted by daisym on May 29, 2005, at 14:10:51
In reply to For Daisy, posted by TofuEmmy on May 29, 2005, at 9:46:12
I don't want to engage in the debate. Because it feels so much like a pity part to me and crying wolf. What I was trying to say, I guess, was that there have been many times in the past when I was absolutely sure that things wouldn't keep going without me -- my kids, my company, etc.
I'm now equally sure on the other side. I'm not saying it would be easy for anyone. But you must understand, there is a huge potential for failure on the horizon and it is simply that I, as a coward, couldn't face their disappointment in me. I'd rather let them hate me for this...
It is too complicated to explain and I'm not a danger to myself right now. I promise. I just am looking for answers that won't come. Sometimes there are no good choices. Leaving it up to God, or the fates, doesn't seem like the answer either. I just keep telling myself that an option will present itself if I work hard enough to make it happen. How many times can you give yourself that pep talk?
One of the hardest parts for me right now is that I've realized that I've added my therapist to the list of people I don't want to let down or disappoint. So I while I know i should talk to him about this worry, I can't.
Which leaves me in my own lonely private hell.
poster:daisym
thread:504637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/504757.html